Monday, September 22, 2008

That's Mr. Tollgate To You

So it seems that next weekend I'm off to Tucson to be filmed for a bondage video. While discussing this with a couple of buddies of mine this evening, the question came up, "Will you use your real name, or a nom de porn?"

It's my understanding that technically speaking, what I'll be doing won't be pornographic, but hopefully it will be erotic. (That is to say, it'll be a bondage scene, and not involving straight up sex.) So would it be appropriate in that context to use a porn name? And if I were to use a porn name, what name would I use?

According to the porn star name game--not to be confused with the drag queen name game--my porn name would be Chippy Tollgate. (Your first name is the name of the pet you had as a child and your last name is the name of the street you grew up on.) Actually, this gives me numerous options, now that I think about it. My childhood home was quite the menagerie. We had a horse, a pony, several dogs and cats, and at one point a duck whom we counted as pets.

So here is the roster of possibilities...

Chippy Tollgate
Moko Tollgate
Duke Tollgate
Gallahad Tollgate
Valentine Tollgate
Boots Tollgate
Moishe Tollgate
Quack-Quack Tollgate
Fuzzy Tollgate
Angus Tollgate
Sassy Tollgate

Omigod! It's so hard to choose! Gallahad Tollgate sure paints a picture. Valentine Tollgate would be a lot to live up to. But Quack-Quack Tollgate is pretty hard to resist. (Quack-Quack, of course, was my pet duck. Who ran away. And my sister went running through the woods looking for him calling, "Quack-Quack! Quack-Quack! Quack-Quack!")

Still, my first inclination would be to use my real name. That would mean, though, that I'd have to give up my political aspirations. Or maybe not. I don't know that making a bondage video would necessarily count someone out for running for office in California. In fact, I could use it in my campaign material: "It's true I'm a Sadist, but I'd never do anything to hurt California!"

Oh wait a minute... That's right. I don't have any political aspirations.

I guess my concern would be that my actual name doesn't sound very erotic. Or sadistic. And political aspirations or no, when I go out looking for a construction management job in two years, I might not want that showing up in Google.

Perhaps I could just go with "Dutch," my nickname at Wuperior Soodcraft.

I'll have to give this some thought.

Or maybe I'll just go with Quack-Quack Tollgate after all.

1 comment:

'bastian said...

Dutch Drew?

Drew Dutch?

Dutch Barrymore? just kidding, SIR.