Gosh. Special Guy just broke up with me. He did a pretty good job of it. Basically, the reason he gave was that his health and his state of suspended animation he's in don't really allow him to give what's necessary to be in a relationship right now. And, I mean, who knows? But that certainly sounds plausible.

I don't know how many guys he's broken up with before, but I'm sure I was among the easiest. I entered this relationship with no expectations whatsoever. Difficult as it was at times, I banished successfully thoughts of picking out china patterns and picket fences. Just sort of toook each new development as a gift. Ironically, I had the half formed thought at times that we met in June. Sort of says 'summer romance' all over it, no?

But I have no regrets. None at all. It's been wonderful. Flawless. I was able to fall head over heels in love for the first time in my life. And I loved in a way I was never able to do before, too.

13:4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered, or resentful. 13:6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
13:8 Love never ends. But if there are prophecies, they will be set aside; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be set aside. 13:9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, 13:10 but when what is perfect comes, the partial will be set aside. 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. 13:12 For now we see in a mirror indirectly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know in part, then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known. 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I love Special Guy in a way that's not at all self-seeking. I want what's best for him. I want peace and happiness and fulfilment to come his way. And I sought to be a vehicle for that. Once, I brought up the example of Heloise and Abelard. When they were separated, their passion for one another grew. I told Special Guy that I would be Abelard to his Heloise (or vice versa) if that's what life served up for us. And I sort of look at it like that.

I guess I should be heartbroken, or at least a little glum. But I'm not. No regrets. Only good has come to me, and I'm nothing but grateful.

A few things I really appreciate. Not once, by word or actions, did Special Guy ever make me feel bad about myself. I'm unable to say that about any other boyfriend I've had. And, before, during and (now) after, being single was a perfectly acceptable alternative. I had built for myself a complete and fulfilling life for myself as a single man. In fact, I had taken it as a sort of credo that I would maintain that. When Special Guy came along, after no small amount of soul searching, I decided to forgo the single life. Heck, what are the chances that I'd run into someone who was incredibly hot, sexually adventurous, possessed a keen intellect and extensive learning, and also had a relationship with Christ? Oh, and who liked me a lot. I wasn't gonna let that go by.

I did probe to make sure Special Guy wasn't just doing this because he thought it might be what I wanted to hear, or because he was afraid I was planning on doing something similar. Neither of these seemed to be true. I think it's just the way he laid it out.

Anyway. Church tomorrow. Time for bed.