Bonk! ...Owwww!

If your bathroom is looking a little sad and tired, maybe a brand new toilet seat would help!

Why not stop in to your local Ho(t)me(n) Depot and pick out a new one?

In the Kitchens and Baths Department, you'll find an entire aisle devoted to toilets and toilet seats, and a sales associate looking spiffy is his or her orange apron will help you pick out a new one. There you'll find a wide selection, arranged like Vermeer sketches, displayed by hanging them vertically.

I refer to that particular aisle at the Ho(t)me(n) Depot where I work as Terlet Verld. Part of my responsibilities as a Sales Associate is to pay attention to frontage, making sure that all the merchandise is right up at the edge of the shelf. At the toilet seat display in Terlet Verld, this means that the boxes containing that particular seat are stacked neatly just behind the displayed seat on the shelf. This can be a little awkward as it means lifting up the toilet seat and holding it straight out from the bolts with one hand while stacking with the other hand.

As I do this, I'm always smiling to myself, imagining a not unlikely scenario... What if I were to lose my grip on the seat while fronting and it would swing down and bonk me in the head, à la The Three Stooges. Then later in the day, say when I'm ordering a latte at Starbucks, someone says to me, "Oh gosh! How did you get that nasty bump on your head?"

And I'd reply, "I got bonked in the head by a toilet seat."