Ho Ho Ho

Okay. Even I...

Busy day today at Ho(t)me(n) Depot. Running around like crazy, and it was all I could do to make sure I was providing Excellent Customer Service (one of our Core Values). We were moving all of the clearance merchandise from the front of the store and dispersing it in different departments. My department manager explained what all the fuss was about: we had to get ready for Christmas.

"Uhhh... I've gotta point out that it's eighty-five degrees out there today."

Alas, the man doesn't have the most subtle sense of humor in the world, so he patiently explained that it's important to get the jump on the competition, and this year that means two months out.

Right.

But it's eighty-five degrees outside.

Now, when it comes to this whole global warming thing, I'm an agnostic.

I know, I know, I know.

Ocean temperatures are rising, there's standing water at the North Pole, polar bears are drowning...

But here's the thing. The chief culprit is carbon dioxide, right? And of the carbon dioxide in the earth's atmosphere, about four percent is the result of human activity. And one fifth of the world's population lives China, and they're a long, long, long way from anything resembling adherence to the Kyoto Protocols. So me tooling around in my trusty Jeep Liberty that gets all of 18 miles-per-gallon truly is a tear in a salted sea.

I don't bring this up to the Baron.

The Baron, you see, is the opposite of me in that he dreads Summer and hates hot weather.

And by "hot weather," the Baron is thinking of a temperature above 75°.

When the Baron gets exercised along the lines of Oh-My-God-It's-The-Fifth-Hot-And-Humid-Day-In-A-Row, or Oh-My-God-It's-Been-Raining-For-Eight-Hours-Straight, I generally respond with a, "Yeah, but I remember weather like this from when I was a kid in the '70s, so it's no big deal."

But I do not remember weather like this so close to my birthday (twenty-one shopping days left!).

At this point I'd like to point out that I always get paper bags at the supermarket, never plastic, and I bundle them up and bury them in a landfill back in the woods.