I, Roommate...

Doneee left a message on my cell this morning saying he's thinking more and more that this would be a good thing. And so am I. I think that for $1800 (which would be my ceiling rent), we could get a decent apartment.

So I'm thinking about my assets and liabilities as a roommate. Let's do a free associative list, shall we?

1. I smoke. I promised my doctor that I'd quit on New Years We'll see. Not a lot at home. Two or three in the morning before I leave for work. Two or three in the evening before I go to bed.
2. I own a dog. My dog (weirdly) never barks. I walk him. I feed him. I brush him. He doesn't pee in the house, but I've never found a way to keep him off the furniture.
3. I have NPR on from the moment I get up until the moment I leave for work.
4. A promise I made to myself long ago: I don't leave the house until the bed is made and I don't go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink.
5. I'm a really good cook, and I like to cook for people, and I have a well stocked kitchen.
6. I hate getting up in the morning. Not infrequently, the alarm is blaring (BLEEP-BLEEP-BLEEP-BLEEP) whilst I talk myself into getting out of bed.
7. I take about a half an hour in the shower.
8. I hate super-cooled interior spaces. I have lived for 12 years in New York City, through countless heatwaves, and I've never owned an air conditioner. I don't mind air conditioning, but if I need to put on a sweater or put a blanket on the bed, the A/C will shortly be hurtling towards destruction on the pavement below.
9. I'm good at taking phone messages.
10. I can tolerate a less than spic-and-span apartment, but if it's an issue for you, I'm happy to pitch in and do a clean up. In general, I'm a 'clean-as-you-go' person. While the roast is in the oven, I clean up the kitchen and take care of all the dishes and such I used before it went in the oven.
11. I don't use drugs. I do drink, and I like to be drunk, but I'm soooooooo responsible about that. It's probably been about eight months since I had dinner with a friend of mine, the wine was really good, I wasn't driving, and each of us killed a bottle.
12. I travel as much as I can. Mostly long weekends.
13. The St. Andrew's Cross can go in my bedroom, it doesn't have to be in the livingroom.
14. I don't need a lot of space. Room for a bed, a desk, and a bookcase is plenty. Oh. And the St. Andrew's Cross.
15. Closet space is another thing. I'm gonna work (hard) this weekend in culling stuff from my wardrobe (adieu, sweaters), but I need about eight feet of hanger space. Why, the leather alone...
16. I'm fairly financially responsible.
17. I can listen to just about any kind of music. But unless it's something I like, I'll want a change sooner or later.
18. I put up a Christmas tree. Decorating for other holidays (Hallowe'en, Valentines Day, etc.) is pathological.
20. I like talk and tell stories. I'll want to tell you all about how my night was. Tell me how your night was.
21. In the dumps? Having problems? Frustrated, bored, and lonely? Tell Dad all about it.
22. Down with the flu? Chicken soup, comin' right up!
23. I have a car. You wanna take a trip upstate? Absolutely.
24. I have a condo in Fort Leatherdale. You want to stay there for a weekend? Absolutely!
25. "Hi. Sorry to bother you at work. I locked my keys in the apartment, and..."
26. That incessant buzzing sound at 7:15 am is me shaving my head over a towel in my lap in the livingroom. Get used to it.
27. "Could you do me a huge favor and drop these shirts off at the cleaners on your way? Remember, box, not hanger, and medium starch, and don't deal with the really short guy, he always screws up and I had a fight with him, only deal with the woman. Okay?"
28. Would I sleep with the guy you're dating? Of course I would. Why? Is that a problem?
29. As a rule, I don't watch TV. Not because I'm dismissive of the medium but because I'm a busy guy. That said, I can totally get sucked in.
30. Yes, that's my mug of tea on the coffee table. No, I'm not done with it even though it's cold. If you put it in the sink and run water in it I'll be forced to kill you.
31. Scot toilet tissue. If you bring home soft, lotion-saturated, talcum powder infused toilet paper, I'll probably throw it right in the trash.
32. No air freshener ever.
33. I can sleep through anything. Roar like a cheetah and bellow like a bison when you're banging Mr. Boy. I'll never know.
34. I'm sorry, but I can't look at a wall that's pale blue. I like rich, saturated colors. Orange, ochre, olive, brown, and Mexican red are big with me lately.
35. My conflict resolution skills are getting pretty good, but growing up as the only child in the house has left me at something of a deficit.
36. My insane buddy, Baron von Philadelphia, will be staying here this week. He's a great guy. You'll like him. Really you will. No, really.
37. "No, I'm not gonna go through all the trouble of detaching my Shower-Shot in the shower because your nephew is visiting. He's eleven. That's plenty old enough to learn about the necessities of colonic hygiene for men who engage in anal sex."
38. As long as it won't interfere too much with my ability to get up for work the next morning, I'm happy to observe that necktie-on-the-doorknob signal and let you have the apartment to yourself for a while.
39. I see no need to cue guests about our developed appreciation for irony. The 'God Bless Our Mobile Home" sampler will go in your room if it goes anywhere.
40. The Depression-reared parents who reared me have endowed me with a fundamental insecurity in matters of money. I get wholly irrational and over-react. Feel free to call me on it, I'd ask that you do your best not to exacerbate it.
41. Life without broadband connectivity just ain't worth the livin'.
42. Yes, I know it's called a 'Dream Catcher.' My question was, what the hell is it doing in our apartment?
43. I don't recycle. Torture me to death if you must.
44. If you decide to become a vegetarian, don't expect a lot of support from me.
45. If you decide to register Republican, expect a lot of support from me.
46. A party sounds like a great idea! Let's do that. Wait'll you taste my mulled apple cider.
47. The mumbling you hear coming from my room when I go to bed at night is me saying Compline from the Book of Common Prayer
48. That schicka-schicka-schicka-schicka-schicka sound you hear coming from my room when I go to bed is me beating off.
49. Surprise! I decided I needed a break so I called in sick from work today and I'm gonna sit home and watch the entire third season of Sex in the City.
50. Good morning! I made you some biscuits.