That's Four! Going for Five?

At 8 pm, after my workout, I met another WorldLeathermen Man. This time at the Starbucks at 8th and 16th. Jumpin' Jehosophat.

We'll call him Elephant Boy. He's doing his doctoral thesis comparing an Aztec ritual to the Plains Indian tradition of the Sun Dance. Elephant Boy and I talked non-stop for five hours. (Well... there were some bathroom breaks in there.) He's talked to anthropologists in Mexico, Fakir Musaphar, and Native Americans of numerous tribes across the country. And participated in a Ball Dance with Fakir, and attended a Sun Dance, and Burning Man, and Black Leather Wings. We talked about ritual, we talked about S/M, we talked about Joseph Campbell, we talked about the Voyage of the Hero, we talked about the possibility that the longstanding rumors of a top secret slave training camp in South America could be true, we talked about cannibalism, we talked about scat, we talked about the Berdache tradition among the Sioux, we talked about Warriors and Warrior Spirit, we talked about the decline of Leather in New York City, we talked about S/M as the antidote to contemporary American consumer culture...

And on and on and on. Just incredible.

The next time we meet, Elephant Boy and I won't talk at all. Or at least not much. We want to do a scene. We both agreed that if we start talking, then it will end with one of us looking at his watch and saying, "Gosh, it's 2 am. I think I'm too tired to play at this point." Elephant Boy claims he needs S/M because being an academic, he lives too much in his head. I think that I need S/M so I have ideas to put in my head. Ponder-fodder.

And, of course, I need something to write about here.

So what's going on? Horoscope? Bio-rhythms? Dumb luck?

Maybe it's the approach of Inferno. Y'know how New Agers feel that there are psychic poles on the earth? (Stonehenge, the Great Pyramid of Giza, Anchor Wat.) Places that attract psychic energy? What the Celts called "thin places?" Well maybe Inferno has the same function, only in a calendrical way. Those S/M energies just begin to flow more freely as it grows near.

I'm actually wondering if this year might be something of a dud. Why would that be? Well, two reasons.

The first is Mark. Tonight I was pondering the Inferno confirmation I received in the mail. Enclosed therewith was my fantasy form. Attendees have the option of describing a fantasy, and a committee will see if indeed that fantasy can be fulfilled during the course of the run. Last year my fantasy was a Welcoming Ritual (fulfilled in spades!), and I was asked to help fulfil the fantasy of another attendee, during which I was confronted with the fact that I couldn't pull off Mean, something I've been sort of focusing on since then, and this year, my nametag at Inferno will read simply, "Mean." So I was sort of mulling this, wondering what, if anything, I would put down as my fantasy this year. Perhaps my Roman Gladiator torturing a Christian fantasy. Perhaps given my interest in owning a slave, I should see about getting a slave for a day (and night) at Inferno... kind of a trial run. Then it hit me. What my fantasy really is. I want to do the scene with Mark that we planned on doing at Inferno. That's what my fantasy is. Alas, that fantasy is beyond the ability of anyone to fulfil ever.

And the second reason. This is trickier. It's what is described among cognoscenti as The Issue. There exist several men who are serious players, beloved of many Hellfire members, but who are not able to attend Inferno. Why? Because they are F2M transgendered. There was a vote taken that resulted in this policy on men of transgender experience becoming members of Hellfire that I read several times and I'm still clueless as to what it says. Anyway, one guy in particular became something of a cause celebre. I'm given to understand that over a hundred members and associate members, many of them pillars of the club, sponsored this guy to be a guest at Inferno this year. The Full Members discussed the issue, and said this guy could only attend if he produced a legal document saying that he was a man (such as a drivers license), and, a letter from a doctor indicating that he had a penis.

Bad bad bad bad bad. Not only is this possibly illegal, it's clearly discriminatory. No one else has ever had to prove that they had a penis to attend Inferno as far as I'm aware. And it's just so wrong. What in the name of God are they worried about?

Anyway, several prominent members--one of which I had a date with--are staying away this year in protest. Their absence, and the murky controversy in general, might possibly put a damper on the whole thing.

Delta, which is in some ways is a competing run, (well, not really because the food at Delta is infamously bad, whereas at Inferno, only the coffee is bad), has allowed men of transgender experience without incident. As I happen to know one of these men, I don't doubt that those who were sure that this would ruin everything had their minds changed if they attended, because there would be absolutely no way to tell who the trans guy was.

This whole issue grieves me. It really does. It's like finding out that a dear friend is a racist. I feel diminished and disrespected by it. All the exclusion I've felt my entire life because I'm a homo (albeit most of it of the chickening-out-on-my-part variety) is suddenly so present when I think about all of this. The guy who had to produce a penis must feel terrible. Well, from what I've heard of him, he's pretty tough. Much tougher than those sensitive old ladies who are so worried about the proximity of poontang would mar their fun. But still, what a crappy thing to do to anyone. So in a way, I feel hurt by this, as though it's an attack on me. And, I guess, in a way it is.

Becoming a member of Hellfire, and getting invited to Inferno meant so much to me. My estimation of the club is diminished by this. I'm going to Inferno because I can't not go. Last year's experience was too powerful, and it's still too fresh for me to just take a year off. I just hope that justice will prevail in this case, and that there will be a change soon.

How long, O Lord, how long?

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