Resignation

I realized something as I was driving back from Philadelphia last night: he's not out there. Well, let me be clear, if he's out there, he's not on worldleathermen or Leather Navigator and I haven't run into him at either the Bike Stop or the Raven. By 'him' I'm referring to the Dad I've been hoping for, the Dad that lives within 90 miles of me, a big, bearded, cigar smoking Dad looking for a trophy boy like me to wear his collar.

It could be that I just haven't stumbled upon him yet.

It could be that he actually lives in Florida. (This would be great, although the distance would be an issue.)

It could be that I haven't found him yet because he is a creature of my imagination, and any man I meet will fall short of my expectations. I don't think this is the case, though, because I've met men like him (Hi, Glenn! Hi, Mark!), so I know they're out there in the world.

But one thing is for certain, looking for him as I've been doing is a waste of time. I'm not gonna find him. Better to bloom where I'm planted. Focus on my new job, focus on all the work to do around here. Focus on the welding. Focus on meeting locals for friendship. Focus on setting up playdates with the hot men who do cross my path. Focus on spending time with the Baron in Philadelphia, keeping in contact with the people I love in NYC, and getting out to visit old friends of mine in Reading.

Hurts? Yeah, it hurts. Damn. Is it too much to ask? Well, it's a lot to ask, that's for sure. He doesn't have to be perfect, that's for sure. I'm not looking for perfection. But I am looking for a man whose imperfections line up nicely with mine. Special Guy is such a man. *sigh* The Love of my Life So Far.

Anyway. Gotta get to bed. Big day tomorrow in Philadelphia with the Baron.

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