Where The Hell Have I Been?

Okay.

Nothing cataclysmic has gone down here.

Be reassured, life is much the same. With a few new additions. Fr'instance, I now have a kayak. On hot summer days (and maybe this summer we'll have a couple of those), I'll be paddling around at nearby Lake Galena after a long, hard day at the unairconditioned woodshop. And maybe getting arms like anacondas and deltoids like cantaloup in the process.

And I am making a lot of progress cleaning out the garage. I've decided everything must go. And I'm pricing welding machines. And then I'll just have to take possession of my St. Andrew's Cross and my amazing cage--still in Providence, RI--and then I'll be all set up to whip local boys.

So.

Why the prolonged silence?

Okay. I'll spill.

There was the guy from LA that I met the last night of MAL. And we did this incredible, mind-roasting edge play scene. And then, a couple of months later, he was in NYC, so I went up, and we spent an incredible weekend together. More edge play. And I whipped him. And I just run out of superlatives and favorable adjectives describing that and don't manage to do it justice.

And about this time I made The Error. And what was The Error?

Simple.

Y'see, I mistook connection and intensity in the context of a scene with emotional availability.

In pretty short order, I was all kinds of obsessive. Things had that Life Is Elsewhere quality, so detrimental to peace of mind when you're living out here in this howling wilderness.

It was bleak, lemme tell ya. And I was hurtin'.

I was feeling disregarded, and unappreciated.

So I gave a call to Special Guy. Now living in San Francisco. My purpose in calling was to thank him. Because all the time we were together, and even still, Special Guy made me feel like I was something special.

So I offered that little pronouncement, and then Special Guy asked what was up. And I told him. And he had some words of wisdom to offer.

"Look at it from his point of view..." began those words of wisdom.

Oh. Right.

Imagine the boot was on the other foot.

Let's say it's a few years back. I've got this great, busy life going in NYC. And I meet a guy whom I like a lot at MAL. And he lives in... let's say a small town in Eastern Oregon. With his aged father. Whom he takes care of. And there he'll be for the next half decade or so.

I probably wouldn't be busying myself picking out patterns for the diamond plate to install in my relocated dungeon in Puyallup, OR, now would I?

I'd let the guy know I like him, and if further opportunities to get together present themselves, I'd jump at it, but I'd make sure that both of us were being realistic about expectations of where this is going. Cuz in the short run, it's not going much of anywhere.

With this in mind, reflecting back on my interactions with Edge Player, he's been nothing but perfect. Always honest, considerate, thoughtful, and filthy minded.

So now that things have snapped back into focus, now that I have a little bit of perspective, I'm ready to move on.

Clean out the garage and set up a dungeon and welding studio. Spend as much time as I can this summer on the water in my new kayak. Meet men. Tend my garden. Get krushes. Play softball.

And, post a little bit more frequently now that I'm not a whirling vortex of emotional turmoil!

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