Out = Through

A tough few days.

My father has been making me crazy. Lots of 'do this, do that," and ne'er a thank you to be heard.

And then there's work.

I know! A rare thing I'm griping about work, right?

Well, a few weeks ago, we had these meetings. Every guy in the shop, in groups of five, sat down with the vice president. He opened by explaining that his job was to be "the communicator," and these meetings were to keep the lines of communication open. We did a couple of motivational exercises, rededicating ourselves to excellence or something. Then we reviewed some copies of material obtained from the American Association of Cabinet Makers or something. Lots of stuff about productivity. And about average salaries industry-wide. I learned that I'm making ten cents more than the average hardware guy makes. And we closed with glad handing all around.

I've heard that brontosauri, with their walnut sized brains, had difficulty with sensory stimuli. (Yo! Two latinate nouns successfully rendered in the plural in one sentence!) So if you jump on the tail of a brontosaurus, it would take a few hours before the signal reached its brain and registered.

And I had a brontosaurus experience.

About a week later, I'm putting drawer slides into base cabinets when it dawns on me. What that meeting was "about" was we're not getting raises this year. By industry standards, we're already doing fine.

I ran this idea by a few of my co-workers, and the universal reply was, "No kidding, Dutch."

Now, that really burns me up. Y'see, I try really hard. I do my best to stay focused all day long, to exceed expectations, to work hard all day long, be a good guy to work with, help out co workers when I can, and when asked to go the extra yard--or seven--I'll say 'yes' if I can. And why do I do this? Wellll... because I get a lot of satisfaction out of being a good worker. But of course the other reason is I'd like recognition. And in an employment relationship, that recognition comes by way of your paycheck. So without that incentive provided... ...well, I'm pretty much being taken advantage of, huh?

Okay. So that thought has been percolating for a little while. Add to that my low grade frustrations with my dad.

So yesterday, after lunch, I went out on a service call. Our installer needed some help installing a hood. Namely, that thing with the blowers and vents that goes over a range. Service calls: always exciting! I was definitely up for it.

Well, the hood turned out to be a huge stainless steel affair. The designer was on hand, because there were some problems with the measurements: it was five inches longer than the manufacturer said it was. And at one point, the designer let it be known how much the hood costs.

The hood costs $23,000.

Now, that number sort of hit me. Y'see, the night before I had been getting stuff together to file my income taxes. In 2004, I made less than $23,000. That hood costs more than I make in a year.

Okay. So it all sort of collapsed in on me. Father, low pay, no future.

And the thought crossed my mind for the umpteenth time, "George Bush and I made the same mistake; we went in without an exit strategy."

So... what? Run away from home, maybe?

So as I was spiraling down to that dark place, a thought came to my head. I think I'll attribute this to Master Wolf, my spirit guide. The thought was, "Be where you are."

Right. Be where you are.

Today at work, I was still kinda peevish. But, it's just a solid fact that I enjoy my work. Just the business of it. Busy all day, working with my hands, seeing progress. It's good for me. Therapeutic.

And my partner and I have been having some great discussions while we work. He being a fundamentalist Christian, there are a lot of possibilities. Today, we continued to two thousand year discussion on Faith and Works. And the whole question of salvation. And what gets you into hell.

And, I'm headed to LA this weekend. Spending the weekend with Mr. Big Shot Hollywood Producer. I'm bringing my whip. He'll have his knives. So it should be a good weekend.

And today.

Today was the first nice day of the year. For the past couple of of nights, I've been hearing the spring peepers. The dafodils and crocuses my dad planted years ago are all coming up. And today I was outside of Starbucks in Doylestown, enjoying my latte and a cigar and the passing boys. It rocked.

Not out of it yet, but I'm getting there.

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