Friday, October 27, 2006

Love, Doctor

I'm switching doctors.

Currently, my doctor is the man who brought me into the world. He's 79 years old, and I like him fine, but I just don't feel up to... uh... like telling him that I do guys. And that's not a good doctor-patient relationship.

So I asked around, and Datt of Datt and Male, JPZapper and DogTopper all recommend their doctor. So I made an appointment. My main objective, beyond a check up that I'm overdue for, is to get a prescription for Cialis. Of late, I've been getting my kitten punched a lot more than I've been punching kittens. Me being me, I've been subjecting myself to all sorts of self-examination about What Does This Mean? But recently, I realized that the past umpteen times I've managed to get laid, my plumbing hasn't been working so well.

So things generally go down like this:

Mr. Boy: Oh yeah! Awww give it to meee...

Me: Hell yeah, boy, I'm gonna plow you into next week. I am gonna... uh...

Mr. Boy: Um, uh, it's okay if you're not that into me, I mean...

Me: No! I'm totally into you! And I wanna be totally in you... just give me a minute...

Mr. Boy: Hey that's cool. Want me to give you a back rub!

Me (panicky and hysterical): No! I don't want you to give me a back rub! I want you on your back with your legs over my shoulders and... and... Ummm... Come to think about it, a back rub would be pretty nice.

So it's kind of frought.

Luckily, I love getting plowed myself, and I have a nice tight hole that I'm told gives a sweet ride. So it's all good.

But it would be nice to have the option to Top again with my anatomy as well as with my whips and chains and such.

Back when I lived in NYC, I had a Viagra prescription, but I still have half a bottle in my medicine cabinet. It gives me a wicked headache for days, and I hate headaches. But, I'm given to understand that with Cialis, that's not so much of a problem.

So anyway, I received in the mail a form to fill out from my new doctor. Mostly asking about my medical history and my family medical history (which goes like this: Kramer's live forever and Kavetsky's don't make it to 70).

Filling out the form, I had sort of an Addams Family moment when I hit this question: "Are you in a relationship in which you have been slapped, kicked, punched, or bruised by your partner?"

No, but if you know somebody nice, I'd sure like to meet him!


1 comment:

Ames said...

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at the "Addams family" questionnaire... hmmm... maybe this is a better solution than personal ads!