Congratulations to newlyweds Sapphire and Tourmeline! The liturgy was wonderful, with music that was at the same time lyrically poignant and rollicking. S. and T. belong to a alternative Roman Catholic community of faith called 'Journey.' It's Christian in context, with sharing of bread and wine ("Do this in remembrance of Me."), but everything is reinterpreted in an egalitarian way. The wedding was well attended. S. and T. surely have touched many, many lives. I'm certainly grateful that they've touched mine.

After the reception, I came back to my Host's apartment and sat down on the bed for a minute or two to collect myself. And then I woke up and it was 1 am. I quickly got dressed and headed to the Eagle, getting there in time to have two O'Doul's (swill, but better than water), and meet a really nice guy. He's an artist. This is always dicey, as I tend to have opinions about art. And when I meet an artist whose art I don't like, well... that's sort of damning. But, I liked his art a lot. And he was a sexy man. Sex was fun and playful. This morning, we got up and went out for eggs. He relates well and seems to have good solid, caring friendships. If he didn't live in Portland, I'd be tempted to date him. Luckily, he lives in Portland. However, he gets to Fort Lauderdale with some regularity, and we talked about meeting up there come January. Enjoyed spending time with him. He was a good guy to meet.

Y'know, in the wake of the wedding, a celebration of S. and T.'s love for one another and their commitment to one another, I'm feeling sooooo cynical. I very much felt on the outside looking in, but beyond that which is experienced by all single people at weddings. Because, at no time did I feel a longing to 'have' what S. and T. so obviously 'have.' I guess if I allowed myself, I could easily question whether or not it was possible to have such a thing at all. It's not outside the realm of possibility that S. and T. are deluding themselves, but that seems unlikely to me given the fact that both S. and T. are two of the most intelligent, compassionate, insightful, questioning, and self-aware people I've ever known. Truly authentic and engaged in their lives, and in their life together. I'm more inclined to think that I just don't have those genes, so to speak. Possibly it's a function of the fact that I'm a man, and men and women are differently socialized and biologically wired. Not that I would go so far as to say that a committed, loving, lifelong relationship between two men would be impossible, but I think I would say it would be unlikely. I don't know that I've ever encountered it.

Which is why I don't believe in same sex marriage. I don't think I've ever encountered a same sex couple that had the level of a 'shared life together' that I've witnessed in heterosexual couples. I've often sensed that pledges of love and fidelity were 'protesting too much,' and that there was an underlying necessity sprung from a desire not to be alone, leading to decisions to subsume the ego in order to accommodate the other person. Maybe that's universally true, and that's the only way that two people can be married to one another, whether they be straight or queer. I could be universalizingmy own experience, namely "I'm better off being single, therefore everyone is better off being single and those that are saying otherwise are lying." That could have a lot more to do with the fact that my brother and sister were older than I am by more than a decade, so I was essentially raised as an only child. I've never felt lonely, and I've never minded being alone.

Anyway, I'm off to liturgy at the church where the wedding took place yesterday. Mustn't be late. S. and T. had an open house at their place this afternoon, but, again, I got back from spending the late morning/early afternoon with Last Night's Artist, sat down on the bed to collect myself, and woke up at 4 pm. Missing out again. But maybe seeing S. and T. before I head back tomorrow is a salvageable plan.

Ciao for now.