Do Something!

All weekend I was dreading today. I received a disturbing letter from the lender through whom I have the mortgage on my condo in Fort Leatherdale. I'm behind in my payments, and I've been in touch with them throughout, letting them know about first my plans to sell the place and pay off the mortgage, and now the decision to rent it out. The letter didn't mention the F-word (that would be, 'Foreclosure') but it was implied. I letter was waiting for me when I went to Jersey City on Wednesday. That was largely the reason that I didn't get any sleep that night. Thursday was full of anxiety, too, but I was busy all day. I was going to call them on Friday. I didn't. I should have. I was anxious all weekend.

Anxious? Would that be the word? It was one of those things that made me feel like I was losing my footing. Like the ground that I was walking on suddenly was sucking quicksand: I'm not making it; I'm not managing my life; I'm a fuck up; I'm a loser. Fear fed on fear, and by last night, I was pretty sure that they had already foreclosed on my mortgage, and all the money that I had poured into the place was just right down the drain. When I called them this morning, I was prepared to beg and plead and grovel.

Well, no.

They took information about my finances: income and expenses, and they're going to work out a payment plan. That's all. They just want a plan. They have absolutely no interest in foreclosing on my mortgage. They do everything they possibly can to avoid that.

And now... and now I feel like I'm suddenly back on track. I go to welding school. I get a job. I hone my skills. I set up a welding shop and begin to do my own work. I spend my evenings finishing up my book. I supplement my paycheck with other writing. I continue to move forward. I meet people. I keep in touch with friends. I make trips to NYC to fulfil my obligations there. I'm back on track. It's fine.

When will I learn? Letting myself be paralysed by fear is the recipe for disaster. Take action. Do something. Make the phone call. Talk to them. Be upfront. Write the letter. Put the check in the mail. It's all so simple.

I'm back on track.

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