(Setting: The porch of Starbucks in Doylestown.)
Tom: Drew, what the hell is up with that Senator from Idaho that got arrested?
Me: You mean the one that got arrested for tapping his foot in the airport men's room?
Tom: Yeah. Is that illegal?
Me: Apparently it is. So take note.
John: Does that make you gay? I've never heard of gays foot tapping in bathrooms.
Me: No, that doesn't make you gay. That makes you a straight guy who wants to suck some dick.
Tom and John: !
Tom: That's different from being gay?
Me: Oh yeah.
John: Well what does a gay guy do when he wants to have sex?
Me: He goes home and he says, "Sweetheart! Tell ya what: I'll take us out for dinner tonight so you don't have to cook. Let's head up to the bedroom, 'kay?"
[And by the way, what the hell? It's a good use of the taxpayer's dollar to post officers in stalls looking to bust elderly men for foot tapping? Might that officer's salary have been better spent on a bridge inspector? Outrageous.]