Supermarket Shenanigans

So there I am at the checkout line of the SuperFresh (what I call 'StoopidFresh') in Doylestown, bagging my groceries.

Behind me I hear this voice... this pure Arthur Avenue in the Bronx voice, the kind of voice that pronounces "Nature' as 'NAY-chuh.' And she was saying, "Yeah, up there, that's Amelia Bedelia, and there's Curious George the monkey..." I looked up, and they had these huge baloons of characters from children's books. Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw a woman holding this absolutely adorable bright eyed baby.

Then she said it. "And there's Clifford! Do you know Clifford?"

Clifford... Clifford the Big Red Puppy... I loved Clifford! Totally my favorite!

I have no idea what came over me.

I turned around and exclaimed--loudly--maybe a little louder than I intended--"We love Clifford! Don't we love Clifford?"

The adorable baby looked at me like, "Uh... What up, Yo?"

Mom clutched her child closer to me, and gave me that look that a mother bear must give when somebody gets between her and her cub. Total "Back off, Buddy."

Suddenly, all was silent at StoopidFresh. My checkout girl was looking at me totally slack-jawed. If she had a way of calling security, she would have been calling security.

Me: "Heh heh. I loved Clifford The Big Red Puppy."

Everybody in StoopidFresh: Wordless immobility.

Me: "It was one of my favorite books when I was a little boy."

Everybody in StoopidFresh: Wordless immobility.

Me: "Okie doke. Time to get home and get dinner on the table."

Then, to the baby, and probably not making things better...

Me: "Bye bye! Clifford rules, right?"

I have to go back there. It's the only place in town where I can buy the Odwalla Pure Protein drinks I have for breakfast every morning.

Maybe I can wear a disguise.

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