Ya Cain't!

Alright, this is it. I'm off to Inferno. (Well, after I make my dad dinner, pack, load up the car, and get some sleep.) But since I won't be able to post from the Top Secret Location, I'll leave you all with this little treat while I'm away.

(Sung to the tune of "You Can't Get A Man With A Gun," from
"Annie Get Your Gun!"

I trim my shrubs and tulips
with signals, snakes and bullwhips
to keep my aim in shape top tip,
But when it comes to datin'
It's zero that I'm ratin'
Cuz ya cain't get a man with a whip!

If your up for a paddlin'
My sawhorse you'll be straddlin'
Bend over 'n' I'll let'er rip.
But when I want to kiss and cuddle
It's nothin' but a muddle,
Cuz ya cain't get a man with a whip!

With a whi-i-i-ip! With a whi-i-i-ip! No ya cain't get a man with a whip!

When it's floggin' that they're wantin'
For me they come a'huntin'
I can give you quite a trip!
But when they're lookin' for romance,
I haven't got a chance,
Cuz ya cain't get a man with a whip!

With a singletail,
A flogger or a flail,
I have quite a relationship!
But though my skills I hone
Ev'ry night I sleep alone,
Cuz ya cain't get a man with a whip!

With a whi-i-i-ip! With a whi-i-i-ip! No ya cain't get a man with a whip!

If it's a whippin' that you're lackin'
Turn around show me your back 'n'
We'll take care of that in a zip.
But if it's love then I betchya,
Some other guy will getchya
Cuz I cain't get a man with a whip!

There. Something to hum to yourself while I'm away.

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