On the one hand, I'm consistently weighing in at 188-189 at the gym. On the other hand, after a steady climb, the needle doesn't seem to be budging. On the other hand, I'm getting some pretty favorable feedback on the state of the corpus. (Why just today, one of the sanding boys basically told me he wanted to be like me. He wants me to show him how to lift. So that's cool.)
But I swear, it's like Fate has decreed that like Moses and the Promised Land, I'll get to see but not cross the line of 190.
And I can't--I just can't--eat any more food. Every time I frickin' turn around I'm putting something in my mouth.
It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. It's about spending time every day being in my body. The kinaesthetic value of stretching and lifting. That's what it's about.
And another interesting thing. I sort of feel that I've jumped up a tax bracket in terms of sexual attraction. Guys that I consider to be hot in that muscular kinda way are voicing the opinion that I'm hot. And finally it seems to be sinking in. Perhaps because I spent the first half of my life as a really skinny kid, I would still mentally take a look over my shoulder to see who they were talking about. I'm not doing that anymore. At least, not much.
But, that doesn't have much bearing on who I do and do not go to for a roll in the sweat-soaked sheets with. It's still all about the connection. And some other odd, quirky things. Odd, quirky things that I often find to be irresistable...
- Neck Folds When men with shaved or close cropped hair have, at the napes of their necks, those folds of subcutaneous fat... well, my knees go week.
- Disproportionately Large Heads Omigod. This drives me nuts. Absolutely nuts. Always.
- Underbites *sigh*
- Fat Calves Like honey dew melons? I'm putty in your hands.
- Exceptional Noses If I think you're hot when we meet, it's probably because of your nose.
- Befuddlement I always find this soooo winning on a man. Especially if you screw up your face when you're befuddled.
- Watch Caps Y'know, like longshoremen wear. Keep it on when we're having sex, okay?
- Commando! Neither briefs nor boxers, thanks!
- Enthusiasm Bordering On Impulse Control Disorder Just about regardless of the object. Singing along to the piped in music in the supermarket with joyful abandon? I do that, too!
- Weatherbeaten Exteriors When men have that years-in-the-sun look? Skin like tanned leather? All I can think about is there must be a nice meaty cock to go with it.
- Pig Eyes Those eyes that are sort of squinty and fleshy? Yessssss...
- Shiny Heads I aspire to this, but so far, no one has let me in on The Secret Formula.
- Hairy Hands This... this... guy... he works at the Block Buster in Doylestown...
- Old Clothes Especially with blotches of paint in interesting colors.
- Owners of Rescue Dogs And this sure has gotten me into trouble.
- Anti-Connoisseurship There was this guy I used to see at the LURE, and have subsequently gotten to know, and the thing I thought was hottest about him was that he drank Budweiser in a can.
- Being Handy Take out the wrench and fix my leaky fauced, and you can do anything with that wrench you want to.
- Bruce Springsteen Fans That scene in High Fidelity where John Cusack consults with the Boss about his woman problems? I was like touching myself.
- Orange As scarlet is to the bull, so is a man wearing orange to my penis.
- Trucks If the late Charles Nelson Reilly had propositioned me from the cab of his big black Dodge Ram Pickup truck, then I'd be his longtime companion today.
So, y'know... Go figure!