The Job And The Man
I want both. I do!
I know. Greedy guts, right?
Thinking about that today, with my cigar and latte at Starbucks, brought some interesting revelations.
My state of mind at the time was... heightened anxiety. They called, they asked for my references, I gave'em up. So today is Wednesday. When I called my guys to give them a heads up, I asked them to please give me a call when they got their respective phone calls. And no one has called.
So, of course, i was thinking about just why that might be. Like they were first calling my rival's references, and if they had their preferences for said rival confirmed, there would be no phone calls to inquire about the best and the worst of me.
What if I'm working at Wuperior Soodcraft a year from now? What if they decide they want to go in another direction? Yeah, well, I like my job. I like the guys I work with. They're going to get me signed up for CAD courses that they'll pay for. I have a future at Wuperior Soodcraft.
To be sure, the abject poverty thing is a tough one. And... and... and... the potential at the new job... The great places I could go with that wonderful agency.
And the guy. Meaning, of course, hot tub guy.
He ditched me.
No! He did!
It happened in a moment. It was so subtle, I almost missed it.
The night of the first interview, we went out for chinese food afterwards. Great conversation, I was all about, "Gosh it's wonderful to spend time with this guy." So there were tons of leftovers, and he was like, "Yes, please wrap this up for me! Midnight snacks!" Then, we get back to his place, and he grabs all these bags of chinese food and he goes, "Here. Take these."
I explained that I wasn't big on chinese, and that there was nothing in there that my father would eat. And he was like, "No. You take them."
Did you catch that? Did you get it? I almost missed it.
"That thing we've shared? Well, take it away. I'm done."
Now I know what you're thinking. The mind plays tricks, right? And in the course of a weekend, I was able to first talk myself into that, and then talk myself out of it.
But I also figured out the reason why. And that's crystal clear to me. I feel like I'd be breaking confidence to explain just what was going down there, but I'll sum it up by saying his Jesus is different than mine. Cryptic and unenlightening, huh? Sorry about that.
But do I still want the man? Absolutely. He's the best. A great guy. And the kind of man that doesn't come along very often. Once a lifetime if you're lucky.
So if it would be the job or the man, which would I choose?
So, I'm showing my stripes here, huh? For love or mone...
Maybe. But this has to do with this specific job and this specific man. And the possibilities for a Bigger Life are definitely with the job. This amazing job.
And then there's this. If the stakes were higher, if I knew that a job opportunity like this would never come my way again, that it was over for me, that I was washed up... Or if I knew that there was never going to be another man like this coming into my life... Then the job be damned.
The difference, of course, the job is a possibility. (I heard from one of my references, and he got his phone call. Yessss!!!)
But I think the man is gone. He doesn't call. He doesn't write. And my persisting would just lead to something unpleasant. Like probably the same hand Schlitz dealt me, that "You're kidding me, right?" moment when I'm introduced to his idea of Mr. Perfect. So not only am I dumped, I get to see what I was dumped for. And I just don't need that. (Wonder what's up with Schlitz and his perfume salesman, who has almost no personality whatsoever...)
But we never know what life holds.
I'm still going to hope for both. The job and the man.