Gifts

So the other night, walking Faithful Companion under a sliver of a moon, I had a revelation.

The Guy I've been hunting. All those dates. All that time on the internet. Again and again, maybe this one... Maybe this one...

And nothing quite seems to pan out. Ever.

I've written before about how slim my chances are, about relaxing my standards, about my standards.

Blah blah blah.

So my realization. If indeed it's going to happen, then it's going to be the real deal. I'm gonna think he's the greatest guy in the whole world. And he's gonna think I'm the greatest thing in the whole world. We get together, and it's just electric. Whether we're talking or watching a movie or naked in bed, we just can't get enough of each other.

And meeting him might take a long time. And, it might not happen at all.

So that was my realization.

And with it, came a feeling of peace.

Yeah. I'm worth it, somebody who thinks that I'm All That.

But that, of course, raises a question: just what am I going to do in the meantime?

I'm inclined to take the high road on this.

In the mean time, I'll do my best to have a full, rich, satisfying life as a single man. That means focusing on work, on church, traveling, setting up a welding shop in the garage, getting the porch set up, and developing friendships.

That's what I have going on with hot tub guy. I like spending time with him, he likes spending time with me. He's this great combination of strength and vulnerability. When he needs someone to talk to, sometimes he calls me. And lately, I've been calling him when I need someone to talk to. But it's sure not gonna happen with us all romantic-like.

And there's sure some other opportunities for friendship.

"The Forties is about deepening relationships."

So... uh... What about getting laid?

Yeah. I need that. Not a lot. Once every couple of months does me fine. And I can swing that.

And SM. Absolutely. I've totally lost touch with my leather self. I've got to find that again. There's Truth and Beauty there.

But not coming from a place of loneliness. That gets me into trouble. And I think that means being the Top. Looking to give, not to get.

But all the dating, all the time on the internet... Those are just Hungry Ghosts.

Perhaps there's a New Year's Resolution in here. (Last years? "Get a new job." Did that! Yessss!!!)

Perhaps a year of taking myself off the market.

Hmmm. Not looking. Not asking for dates. Just enjoying life.

Hmmm.

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