Even though all sorts of warning bellls and whistles are going off in my head ("You could be at this for hours!"), I think I'll do a Year End Wrap Up of 2002

Best Movie Why, XXX, of course.
Best Musical This of course was the year that I saw all the musicals I've seen in my life, and Hairspray certainly was the best of the four.
Best Roadtrip Hands down, heading north on the New York Thruway with Past President as navigator to play in a softballl tournement (We came in Third and earned the Bronze) with my team, Ty's Ballbreakers; followed by a trip to Michigan to attend Inferno XXXI.
Best Transformational Event This would be me getting whipped by ARt. Yowza. Changed my whole outlook on life. First Runner-Up here would be taking a whip to a man's back for the first time that balmy night down in Fort Lauderdale, and Honorable Mention goes to spending an evening in Aubrey Sparks' cage in Seattle.
Best Romantic Entanglement Special Guy. *sigh* I'm flooded by warm feelings.
Best and Most Rewarding New Endeavor You're soaking in it! SingleTails was born in June, 2002. Honorable Mention goes to signing up to play softball.
Best Cup of TeaTaylor's of Harrogate Special Rare South African Kwazulu Ntingwe Estate. Hands down.
Best Meal Prepared Although Honorable Mention goes to Thanksgiving dinner for my family, I think the Indian Summer Fish Stew I made for Special Guy wins out.
Best Moment With My Dog When he provided an objective correlative moment and peed all over the floor at the house I was staying in on Fire Island.
Best Wardrobe Acquisition Not the chic Almost Prada suit, but the leather superhero-esque flight suit made for me by David Samuel Menkes
Best Acquisition Overall The Joe Wheeler-made bullwhip/signalwhip hybrid presented to me at my Inferno Ritual by ARt.
Most Fun I Had All By MyselfSunrise On The Beach in the Fire Island Pines

So overall 2002 certainly had some great things happen. But, to be sure, the year overall was mixed. Regrets, I've had a few...

"What was I thinking?" Moment of the Year Raising my hand to volunteer to take on the role of Treasurer of GMSMA
Decision That May Very Well Re-Shape Events For The Worst Going Forward Into 2003 Leaving my job and going to work for Senator Sunshine
Most Problematic Shopping Spree. Maybe. I bought a condo in Fort Lauderdale, that sufficiently lowered my bank account to prevent me from visiting Fort Lauderdale. But hey! It's an investment property!
Most Quixotic Decision "I'm going to learn vietnamese!"
Least Favorite Moment of the Year Having to announce to the staff at my last job that because of an inexplicable delay in receiving checks from the New York State Department of Health, we did not have the money in the bank to make payroll.

Wow! What a year it's been! Pretty dramatic. My life has changed so dramatically over the past year, that I can't help but wonder if this trend of change will continue into 2003. My way of checking in with myself is to silently ask myself, "Where would you rather be?" When things are bad, the answer comes, "Anywhere!" Often, the answer serves to re-focus me: "At home" or "Alone" or "On the beach" or "Not with this person." But with more frequency than I've known in my life, the answer during 2003 has been, "Nowhere else. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. This is where I belong."

I'm brought back again to the awakening I had at Inferno. I didn't expect to find so much love there. And I decided that that was what I'd live my life for: for love. That will be my priority. For transcendence and transformation, risking it all in the pursuit of joy, for connection and intimacy. Next to that, nothing else really matters. This outlook has taken me to places I never thought I'd see. And it adds to my life a level of uncertainty that I need. Among the reasons that I left a relationship of seven years duration in 2001 was because I could see the rest of my life stretched out before me, like a study in perspective in a Renaissance painting. Next this, then this, then this, then this, then I die. My Ex got a great deal of comfort from that. I felt like I was being strangled. And, that was largely what got me out of my last job. What would the next five years look like? I knew. Same problems, same issues, same achievements. Week in and week out. Where will I be in December, 2003? I have no idea? New York City or a monastery or some Master's dungeon or Fort Lauderdale or Los Angeles or Pennsylvania or Nepal. Anything is possible. Who will I know? What will I be doing? Who will I love? Who will love me? What pieces of the furniture of my current life will still be standing? I have no idea. And I like that. Even if a year from now I'm sitting here in my den, blogging away, I don't know that I'll be disappointed, because that won't be the inevitable and foreseeable outcome. Let the mystery be.

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