Okay. I'll fess up. I've been holding out on you. Something big is brewing. It's been brewing for a while, and for whatever reason I've been reluctant to take it here. I don't know that I could begin to set forth all the streams of thought that lead in this direction--because believe you me, they were varied--but here's the skinny: I've decided that I want to be collared. Be owned, possessed, have a Master. Some readers may remember the Interlude of Servitude segment in the archives of Singletails, and it might not come as too much of a shock. Here's an interesting thing, though. I don't see this as a major departure for who I am. And, who I am is a Top. And, this is pretty much reality-based, outlandish as it may seem to the uninitiated. I'm thinking of a year at minimum. The genesis of this was an offhand remark that Does Mean Well made to me when we were lying in bed talking. I forget the subject. Possibly I was asking him about what it was like to own a slave, as that was something I was interested in as well. He said, "I think at some point you need to deal with your deep down desire to submit on a longterm basis." And then he went on to say something else. Now, keep in mind that I have never mentioned to Does Mean Well that I had a deep down desire to submit on a longterm basis. In fact, it would be unlikely that I would say such a thing, as I wasn't aware that I had a desire to submit on a longterm basis. Well, outside of erotic fantasies, but I have erotic fantasies about a lot of loopy things.

Here's what I'm thinking of as far as "Terms and Conditions."

I have a dog. He comes with me. He’s fifty pounds, house trained, and he
never barks.

I smoke. I’m not saying I’ll never quit, but I’ve tried and it’s really hard.
I would really advise you not to be thinking that you’ll ‘help’ me quit or
‘make’ me quit. Thus are sewn the seeds of destruction.

Remember how Superman had the Fortress of Solitude? Well so do I. It’s in
Fort Lauderdale. It’s a condo. I’m going to want to go there on a fairly
regular basis to recharge my batteries. Like a long weekend every two months,
and maybe a week solid in the winter time.

I have parents in Southeastern Pennsylvania. I see them about every six weeks
or so. My mother’s health is not good, and I’ll probably need to spend some
time with them when she passes.

I’m a Top. I like to fuck and fist and piss on and punch and dominate and
flog and—especially—to whip. This is not saying that you are a bottom. (In
fact, I would prefer that our relationship be all about me submitting to you,
although I have no problem if you submit to others.) But, I want to continue
to play and improve my skills as a Top. This can be in the capacity of
assisting you, or solo. And, I want to go to Inferno in September to play.

Here’s what my debts and obligations look like:

Car payment: $575
(I’m 14 months into a 48 month term. Long story.)
Car Insurance $216
Student Loan $87.40
Mortgage $370
Maintenance $112

And, I have about $7,000 in credit card debt. I’m getting a home equity line
of credit to consolidate some of my debts (car payment, maintenance on the
condo) and to cover any extraordinary expenses.

Health-wise, I’m in good shape. I’m HIV negative. However, I have vasculitis
(causing bruise-like purple blotches on my shins and ankles) and I’m
hypo-thyroidal. The vasculitis is totally benign. The hypo-thyroidism means
I have to take a pill every day.

That about covers my liabilities. Here are my assets. (Or at least the
things that I would consider to be assets if I were looking for a slave.)

I’m pretty well built. But here’s the thing: Time and again over the past
decade that I’ve been going to the gym, I work like hell and manage to bulk up
to 188. I can never break that threshold. Interested in working with me to
really develop my body and be your trophy-slave? You’ll find a high level of
commitment to this goal from me.

Not only would I have no problem being your slave in public, I think it’s
really hot, and I look forward to being collared and leashed down on the floor
by your boots.

As I came to understand recently, a skilled and empathetic Top can take me
just about anywhere he wants to take me. That’s not to say that I’m a pig,
because I’m not. It takes work and patience, but I’m open to just about
anything. In fact, what I’m really seeking is increasingly deeper levels of
submission, like easing into a bathtub. Why? Because on those rare occasions
when I’ve been able to really submit, it’s made me a better Top, and a better
person.

I’m a pretty upbeat guy. I’m not subject to depression. I don’t use drugs
beyond alcohol, nicotine and caffeine. I’m flexible, resilient, good in a
crisis, and wit and insight tend to be important elements of every
conversation I have. I don’t like to be mean to people, and give people the
benefit of the doubt. I generally like to think well of the motives and
actions of others, and when it becomes clear that their motives or actions are
venal, I assume that if I knew the whole story I’d be forgiving. I am just
about incapable of holding a grudge.

I’m a really good cook, and I love to cook. I especially love to cook for
other people. And, I can hang drywall, plant trees, iron shirts, install a
dimmer switch, defrag a PC, unclog a toilet, grout tile, paint interior and
exterior, analyze a poem, change the oil, write a grant proposal, paddle a
canoe, pick up a foreign language well enough to communicate with the natives
when traveling, and dance.

I like to play softball, ride horses, hike, camp, drive long distances, throw
whips, hang out in bars, work out, swim, converse, read, eat, and learn new
things.


Now, the challenge before me is finding a Master willing to take me on. I know they're out there. I've met more than a few. Hopefully, I'll be able to get beyond 'approach-avoidance' games. And, when the opportunity does present itself, I hope I'll be able to just take that Leap of Faith.

So we'll see.

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