Oh now what?

So I'm feeling listless and sad. The feeling that I'd like to change my life altogether. Yeah. That again. Perhaps inspired by the post below about March 21st and my sister. Perhaps it's coming off the roller coaster ride of Black Party Weekend, life's exigencies and urgencies washing over me again like the rising tide overwhelms a sand castle on the beach.

Simplify. Simplify.

Perhaps I need a vacation. A nice week off. Spending some time in San Diego with Does Mean Well, or just relaxing at the construction site in Fort Lauderdale known as my Condo. Somewhere warm, where I could get a tan, sit on a beach, and spend time typing away on my iBook. No parties. No work. No GMSMA. No softball even (although I think I'd miss that the most).

Significantly, it's not a lot about Gotta-Get-Outta-New-York-City. Things are good overall. Overall. That's big when you think about it. Lots of Despites in there. As in, Despite the fact that every time I drive through the Holland Tunnel I have to drive by a gauntlet of sharp-shooters eyeing me suspiciously and have invasive thoughts about a bomb going off in the tunnel when traffic slows to a stop; and Despite the national guardsmen the subway stations; and Despite the fact that of course New York City is on every terrorists hit list; and Despite the growing number of people I know who have lost or are likely to loose their jobs with no prospects for future employment in the near future; Despite the fact that the crappy job market has left me trapped waiting for Boss Sunshine's dammed up rage to come bursting forth once again; and Despite weeks like last week, where there was not a night from Monday to Thursday when I got home before 11:30 p.m. and didn't manage to get to the gym once; and Despite the fact that I didn't watch the Oscars last night because I have seen none of the movies that are nominated--not even the Hours, and I have had a long-running flirtation with Michael Cunningham, the author of the book--because I basically have no one to go to the movies with, which is probably the one thing about being single that irks me; and Despite the on-going war... I'm doing okay for the time being. The weather is nice, I'm really enjoying the time--albeit limited--that I spend with my dog, I continue to get good feedback from the article I wrote that was published in GMSMA's NewsLink, Boss Sunshine has been something of the man I used to know, I've had some really great play with some really great men lately, and I don't have a cold. So, y'know, it's all good.

Oh. The GMSMA Novices Special Interest Group meeting yesterday. We met Hammer and Warrior. Hammer is the Top, Warrior is the bottom. (They come complete with pseudonyms, so I don't have to figure out what I'll call them here on Singletails.) The topic of the meeting yesterday was strapping. Past President mentioned to me at the Black Party that it was really a wonderful meeting, and how much he wanted to have what Hammer and Warrior have. When I arrived, Hammer had nice things to say about my article, and something about our brief interaction really clicked. Hammer found in strapping what I've found in Singletail whips: that indescribable experience of "Aha! So this is why God put me on earth!" And, in Warrior, he found his counterpart. It's wonderful to watch them interact, so much connection there. And, Warrior has a great apartment in a building in the Far West Village with great design in the common spaces. It also seems just about ideal for play (although he has to do this business to sound proof the place before he plays). Yeah. I know what Past President means though. I kinda wanna be Hammer. I certainly would welcome the opportunity to get to know him (and Warrior) better.

I feel like I brought a lot with me away from the session yesterday. Sort of like one of those gift bags you get at fundraiser events, that you sort through on the subway or on the way home. I haven't begun to sort through my gift bag. But here's one thing. Hammer likes to play with a man with a hard body. Warrior has a very hard body. Not a huge steroidy body builder body, but a lean, hard, muscular body. With not a lot of effort, I think I could have a hard body. That would be a more realizable--and thus less frustrating goal--than turning myself into one of the guys in the Academy videos.

Y'know. Here's another thing. At some point, after I have a lean, hard body, I want to make a porn video. I just do. Making porn and writing books. That's how I'd like to pay my rent. Sort of being a Renaissance Leatherman.

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