The plumbers are here! Yay!
And they're indefatiguable in their pursuit of Good Drainage For Me. Senior Plumber is reaming out the pipes from the septic tank end, and Junior Plumber is down in the crawlspace under the house coming at it from the opposite end. When they meet and kiss, I'll be able to flush and take a shower and brush my teeth and everything!
I've really gotta hand it to these guys. They're just being relentless. I was a little worried earlier when they dug up the septic tank out in the yard, since I'm convinced that's not where the problem is. But after the septic line was cleared out (more reaming), the toilet still wasn't flushing very well. (And by that I mean, water all over the bathroom floor.)
I was half expecting a "Well, I think that's all we'll be able to do" or something.
They uncapped the line down in the crawlspace and now the house is filled with these sounds of sucking and grinding.
And I'm totally beside myself with eager anticipation.
And I've learned my lesson: no more flushing gi-hugic fourteen inch dildos down the toilet! When they get old, just put them out in the trash.
Or maybe turn them into fetching lawn ornaments!