Window on Insanity

I am having an out-of-body experience. I'm floating up on the ceiling, looking down at the scene transpiring below, which is too frightening to be a part of. Boss Sunshine is back from China. He is insane. I'm sitting here with my co-workers, and we're trying to remember stuff from Psych 101 courses we took in college to try and figure out just what the flavor of his particular insanity might be. I'm not sure if there's an entry for 'Total Asshole' in the DSM-IV, but that kind of hits the mark.

Two wee vignettes...

Staffalina got a call from Boss Sunshine. The conversation went as follows:
BS: Why am I calling you? Why aren't you calling me?
S: I didn't know you needed to talk to me.
BS: Didn't you get the message that I wanted to talk to you?
S: No, I didn't. Who did you tell you wanted to talk to me?
BS: I don't remember.
S: Was it just now?
BS: Yes. I don't remember. S., would you please call everyone in the office over to your desk.
S: Okay... Everybody, could you please come over here.
BS: Now repeat after me.
S (repeating after BS): "When I tell you that I want to speak to S, that means that you need to tell her that I need to speak with her. Is that clear?"
All: Yes...
S: So what do we need to discuss?
BS: I don't remember. I'll call you back.
S: Okay.

BS: Staffetto, I asked you to fax me that flyer.
So: Right. I'm printing it out now for you.
BS: Staffetto, I want you to call everyone over to your desk.
So: Alright. Everybody, could you please come over here?
BS: Is everyone there? Put me on speakerphone.
BS (on speakerphone): Can everyone hear me?
All: Yes.
BS: This is the way things need to work in my office. When I tell you to fax me something, I want you to fax it to me immediately. To stop whatever you're doing and go over to the fax machine and fax it to me. Do you understand? If you can't fax it to me immediately, I want you to tell me that then. Do you understand?
All: Yes...
BS: And when you send a fax to anyone, I don't care who, I want you to call first and make sure that there's someone there to receive the fax, and tell that person to wait by the fax machine. Get that person's name. After you've sent the fax, call back and ask for the person and ask them if they've received the fax. Do I make myself clear?
All: Yes.

And just so we're clear, Boss Sunshine is screaming the entire time. Every word is delivered at the top of his lungs. This was one of a string of conversations that he had with everyone here, although I was only privvy to the one he had with me. And he was yelling. Things he was yelling about included not receiving a coupon book, a meeting of a local political club that he'd been invited to that conflicted with one of his eleven psychotherapy sessions per week that the club declined to reschedule (it was their regular monthly meeting), refusing to go ahead with a press interview for a profile piece in which he was invited to discuss 'whatever he wanted' as he felt he needed to be briefed first.

So after work (in two hours, twenty one minutes), we're all going out to have drinks. I hope I won't be too looped to fulfill my Treasurer obligations at the GMSMA meeting tonight.

There is nothing good on Craigslist. Maybe I need to look again. At this point, I'd take a job gutting lambs in an abbattoire if it would enable me to make my rent, car payment, and DSL bills.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

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