Okay. I am really finding it hard to come up with a good reason not to move back to Bucks County. In my mind's eye, I'm touring the little house next to my parents' house, thinking about the plantings I could do at the front door, seeing myself running down to Dilly's in Centre Bridge for hot dogs and their amazing coffee milk shakes, going to the County Theater for independent films, heading into Philadelphia to hang with the Baron, driving up to NYC on Wednesdays for GMSMA meetins and softball, cutting firewood, keeping the lawns up, painting, throwing away all the crap my father tends to collect, meeting people in New Hope, hangin' at the Cartwheel, heading to the Jersey Shore...

What is it I'm not thinking of?

For one thing, I could very well get sucked into to the world of my parents. They can be pretty needy and manipulative. But I think at this point--given the fact that I went four months without so much as a phone call and pretty much got away with it--I think I could parse that alright.

Would my brain rot? I can't see that. Not if I have to be in NYC six or seven times a month anyway for GMSMA stuff. I've made the trip to my parents in an hour and fifteen minutes. It's not that bad. People who live in that area of Bucks County commute to NYC for work. And, since the LURE closed, it's not like I need to come into the city to go out.

What if I get stuck? What if I somehow get stuck in Bucks County and I never again get to move back to New York? Somehow I don't think that will happen. I like whipping men too much. I would never, ever be able to leave that behind. I can't imagine that NYC would ever be out of my orbit, and I think at the first opportunity, I'll be back here. Or off to LA, or somewhere.

Bucks County is my home. It really, really is. Driving along the Delaware River as the sun is going down gives me the feeling of being just where I'm supposed to be.

Also, looking over my schedule, there's not a lot to keep me here in the city between TES Fest on May 13th and Leather Pride Night on June 7th. Sounds like enough time to travel somewhere interesting. Maybe... just maybe... I'll take this opportunity and fulfill a lifelong dream of driving across country with my dog. Oh. My. God. Wouldn't that be great. I have really and truly always wanted to do that.

There must be something I'm not thinking of. What could go wrong?

My brother is in town for the next week. He arrives on Saturday. I'll talk it through with him, see what he would think. I can't imagine what his reaction will be.

Huh.

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