And Then Bang!

So, y'know... let's say you're in a dry spell. Like, it's been a long, long time since anything worthwhile has come your way. And, not like you've given up hope, but you just sorta are putting your attention in other areas. And doing your best to rationalize it all away.

But then, maybe you're trawling around on the internet, and this guy flags you down, right?

And let's say you pull up his profile, and right away... the pic he has posted... it's like, Woof! What a looker! And for a change, he's not in Antwerp or Ypsilanti or Guerneville or Brisbane, but up in NYC. Which is, like, doable, right?

And then, you read his profile. And he's submissive. But not in a goofy way. Just in a on-the-level, no-bones-about-it way. Know what I mean? And you're like, 'Cool.'

And so you start the whole deal of typing back and forth at each other. The mutual admiration thing gets going. And right away, you guys decide that you oughtta meet, right?

Okay. So then comes the part where you talk on the phone for the first time. Make or break, right? I mean, hot pic and all, but what if he has the same vocal inflections as your Aunt Helen? That would be a disaster, right? Total deal breaker. Like totally.

So you call him, or maybe he calls you, and his voice is like... Well, it's a great voice. A little bit of a cowboy twang to it even. But well spoken. Chooses his words well.

And so you're like blah-blah-blah, yakkity-yak-yak, and he's like blah-blah-blah, yakity-yak-yak, and then he says this great thing. He goes, "Well, let's not wordsmith this into oblivion. We'll talk more when we meet."

And so you're like, "Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Cool. Till then."

So let's say it's like The Week Of, y'know? And you're getting your hopes up. And you hate that! Cuz like Buddhists say, "Expectations bring misery." And you know all about disappointment at this stage of the game, right?

I mean, it's all about connection. And the connection is there or it's not. And so often, it's like, on the internet, you're just typing up a frenzy, but then you meet the guy and it's like, "Hey. What's up. Cool. Yeah. Good to meet you, too." Right? Right??? And of course, when for him it's all about "Yes! He has a pulse! He's perfect!" then it gets all weird and complicated. But anyway, you're counting down the days. You're trying for balance. To be really chill about the whole thing.

But all the time, you can't help thinking... Y'know?

And so like, y'know how a lot of times you'll get into that weird frame of mind where you're almost psyching yourself out before the fact? Running through in your mind a list of all the reasons why he'll meet you and think, "Eh... Next!"? Well get this: let's say that this time, there's just none of that. You just... Well... You're just not in that headspace this time around...

Okay. So like, the day of. Big Day is here! Let's say that because he has a prior engagement that night, you plan to get there early and leave around six p.m., so it's really a day you're spending together, right?

And you're just feeling Good about the whole thing. But still, you're pulling up his profile again and again (Whoa! He posted some more pics! And they're really good... Damn... Is that neck cleavage? Does he have neck cleavage...?) And you're like looking for something you missed, right?

Oh. And say you're getting these reports from him. Cuz you gave him this list of things to do. Stuff like:

•Make sure his apartment is around 80 degrees when you arrive; (Did you know that 81°F. is the perfect temperature for being naked/ Truth! If it's below that or above that, your body has to work to maintain a temperature of 98.6°, although if you're wearing clothes, you'll want it cooler.
•Get a nice sharp haircut;
•Be prepared to work on a pair of oil-tanned boots;
•Have some cigars waiting for you.

Right?

And imagine if all week long he's giving you updates on all of those. ("Haircut appointment for 9 a.m. Friday morning." And, like, "Got your cigars today at JR's.")

So of course you'd be like, "Whoa... This guy's good, right?"

Okay, but then, let's say that just as you're about to head out the door and go to meet the guy, there's some unaccountable delay. Like, your father decides that this is the day to write Chrismas cards. And you hope he forgets it, but he doesn't, so just when you're heading out the door, here comes your dad with the address book, right?

But finally, you manage to get on the road. And you fight traffic the whole way (on a Saturday morning? Yes. On a Saturday morning.) And all the meters in his neighborhood, let's say, have a one hour limit. So you're like "Damn!" and you stick your jeep in a garage.

And let's say you find his building easy, and you take the elevator up, and then you see him for the first time. And you're like...

Well...

Let's say it works for you.

Like, a lot.

And so let's say you spend the day together.

And it goes great.

Like, really great.

Like, you guys talk, and it's like you've know each other for years. And let's say he's really bright, a guy you could learn a lot from. And, like, let's say you're so comfortable with him. And you do a scene. Tie him up. Some stuff like that. Nothing too heavy duty on the first date, right? And it just goes perfect. And let's say you don't waste any piss the whole day.

And, like, imagine if how like, when your body is touching his body, it's like so right. It just feels really good. And you realize how long it's been since you've felt that perfect perfect feeling. Like, a really long time. Like, way too long. But now, there it is. Perfect.

And then, like, it's time for him to get to his thing, and you've gotta hit the road, and you hold him, and you say, "I've been waiting for you a long time."

And right away, you're like, "Whoa! What did I just say?"

But say he's totally cool with that. And he's like, "Yeah. I've been waiting for you."

And you just know.

And you're not sure what it is you know, but you just know.

Y'know?

And so, like, you drive all the way home. And you're not all bent out of shape. You're not wired. (Okay, maybe you are a little bit, but that's because you stopped at Starbucks and got a quad venti latté, okay?) But you're not going apeshit or anything. You're just... like... Like, yeah. Yeah.

And it's perfect.

Y'know?

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