Triple Super Banned In New Jersey

Oh man.

2005 is going out with a bang. Last night I was due in court in Frenchtown, New Jersey. Lest you forget, I was headed up to NYC a few weeks ago, and I was stopped for going 51 miles per hour in a 40 mile per hour zone.

Whatever, right?

Well, the nice police officer took my license, registration and insurance back to his patrol car to run me, and returned with the news that my driving privileges in New Jersey had been revoked. Apparently, I somehow had failed to pay a parking ticket I received in Jersey City two years ago.

Okay.

I did something you should never ever ever do. And now that I know better, I'll never do it again. I plead guilty.

I mean, was I going 51 miles per hour? Yessss. Had my driving privileges in New Jersey been yanked? Apparently so. So I was guilty.

Now, apparently if I had plead Not Guilty, it would have given the court leeway to cut me a break. I mean, this is all pretty severe for eleven miles over the speed limit and not feeding the meter, right?

And severe it was. A huge fine. And then the kicker. The judge told me that the laws of the state of New Jersey compelled him, he was sorry to say, to command me to forfeit my license for the next ten days.

God in heaven!

Nightengale, my buddy from work, who had kindly driven me to Frenchtown (I was anticipating the question, "Now, you didn't drive here, right?") gasped behind me. I just about passed out.

This is about a parking ticket!

I... I... I'm not a bad person!

How would I get to work? This would be tantamount to a Martha Stewart-style house arrest, no ankle bracelet needed. Only Martha didn't have her dad in the house with her.

Okay. The nice prosecutor managed to talk me down off the ledge. It seems that because I'm a Pennsylvania-licensed driver, a New Jersey court can't force me to surrender my license.

Be gone! You have no power here!

But, it turns out that that definitely does apply in New Jersey.

So... status quo, right?

Not quite, the nice prosecutor emphasized in the strongest possible terms. If I'm caught driving in New Jersey over the next ten days, I'll be put in handcuffs and taken to jail. It's an arrestable offense.

Not that I'm opposed to wearing handcuffs, and not like it wouldn't be the first time, but it could be extraordinarily inconvenient.

So damn.

On the one hand, that's not so bad. So I don't go to New Jersey for the next ten days. Big deal! What's in New Jersey? Like I'd really want to be nice to them and do Christmas shopping at the Deptford Mall after how shabbily they've treated me? No dice.

But y'see, New Jersey is pretty much between me and New York City. And I was planning on heading up to that fabled city to have my second date with that amazing man.

Amazing man and I talked it over on the phone. He said it wasn't worth it, although I strenuously disagreed. ("Those prison bars can't keep me from my man!") But, whatever.

If anyone out there has any contacts in Jersey City Municipal Court, they are urged to get in touch with me. Please. Please please please. I'm not asking for a fixed parking ticket (although that would be nice) just to find out how much I have to pay to get on good terms with the Garden State again.

Try getting the Jersey City Municipal Court on the phone. Just try that. Go 'head. G'wan. Try.

And you'll see what I'm up against.

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