Saturday, September 25, 2004


What scar are you most proud of? A small, almost imperceptible scar on my palm. Years ago, I was visiting a farm in Kentucky with Faithful Companion. The farm dykes who lived there had electric fences up all over, to keep their own dogs away from their chickens, geese, and ducks. It was suggested that I let Faithful Companion 'discover' the electric fencing on his own. Well that didn't work. Or, perhaps, worked too well. Faithful Companion's collar got caught in the electric fence. He was panicking, trying to get away from weird sensation he didn't understand. I intervened, I reached down, trying to unsnag his collar from the electrified wire. I managed to do it, but Faithful Companion, in his terror, bit my hand. This is my favorite scar because it embodies what I believe to be a great truth: Faithful Companion's power to harm me is less than my love for him and my power to help him.

What's your favorite condiment? That's a toughie. If we're talking turkey, chicken, or tuna, it has got to be mayonnaise. But, if we're talking beef, pork, or processed foods derived therefrom, then it's got to be mustard. People who put mustard on mayonnaise foods and mayonnaise on mustard foods are degenerates.

Do you have freckles? Nope.

What's your preferred method of cooking? "Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. That's how all my favorite recipes begin. I love to roast.

What shoes are you wearing? My Kean's.

Who was the first person you ever French kissed? One of several girls I hung around with in high school. I was voted "the best."

What's your preferred breed of dog? Mutts rule!

Where were you were born? Doylestown, Pennsylvania

What color underwear are you wearing? The color of air. I don't do the underwear thing.

Where are your keys are right now? In the wooden tray on the table in my room..

What's your opinion of airline food?I like institutional food. If I could be on the meal plan for life, I'd check that box.

What cosmetic surgery you would consider? Not quite surgery, but along the same lines, I've long wrestled with the question of steroids.

Where's the most interesting place you've had sex? Beneath a waterfall in the moonlight. No, in a cemetary. Noooo, in the middle of a parking lot in downtown Milwaukee. Noooooo... in an army barracks with the threat of MPs coming in the door at any moment. Noooooo... in the surf of the beach of the Fire Island Pines... Get the picture? I get around.

What's been your worst ever injury or illness? I've led a charmed life in this regard. I remember praying for God to 'take me' when I had earaches as a boy. I think two years ago, when I had crypto or something (Thanks, Jersey City Water Authority!) would probably be the worst I've had to deal with.

Can you can sing well? I think I do, but no one else who has heard me does.

What would your Olympic event would be? I guess the assumption here is that I'd be able to train and get good, huh? I think baseball.

Name someone you admire.Woodrow Wilson

Which country would be hardest for you to locate on a map? Is it Uruguay or Paraguay that's across the Janiero river from Brazil?

Which part of the Sunday paper do you read first? When my Sunday paper was the New York Times, it was the City Section. A neighborhood by neighborhood breakdown of what's happening.

What languages do you speak? English, French, Italian, Russian. If by 'speak' you mean being able to conjugate verbs and have a rudimentary vocabulary. On a visit to Puerto Rico ten years ago I was able to pick up enough Spanish to get along fine.

In what religion you were raised? Uhhh... a nit to pick. Corn and pigs are 'raised,' but children are 'reared.' I was reared an Episcopalian.

Can you can draw well? I do alright. But my lines have no conviction.

What's your favorite photograph?Anyone of several from Margaret Bourke-White's industrial photographs, or depictions of construction workers building sky scrapers.

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