Monday, October 11, 2004

Like Heroin

Oh. My. God.

There goes all my productivity from now until election day. Check out the LA Times website. Scroll down to the little red and blue map of the U.S., the "Electoral Votes Tracker." Click on that.

What you can do here is move your cursor over a state to see the latest polling data. Then, you can click on a white state to change it either to red (the electoral votes go to Bush) or to blue (the electoral votes go to Kerry). When either candidate hits 270, the number needed to win, you hear 'Hail To The Chief' and the game's over.

So, like, if Kerry gets Washington, Oregon, Wisconsin, Maine, New Mexico, Minnesota, New Jersey and Pennsylvania (and based on my un-scientific polling of local yard signs, he will), he's still gotta have Ohio to win. Even if Bush takes Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, Louisiana, and a few others.

You see what I mean.

Very quickly, I'm fighting back the urge to call Kerry HQ and order them to get Theresa to Spokane On The Double. Maybe I'll do searches on WorldLeathermen users in swing states and message them all saying I'll promise to have sex with them if they go to the polls and vote for Kerry in three weeks.

An Obsession is born, ladies and gentlement.

I hate this.

It's really started to matter to me that Kerry wins. I actually wasn't too upset when Bush won four years ago. I kinda liked the guy, and Al Gore was such a weiner. He deserved to lose after running such a lousy campaign. And all the way back to 1976, the first election I remember with clarity, my guy has either won, or I haven't been wholly disappointed with the results.

But over the past several weeks, my antipathy towards W. and my admiration and respect for Kerry have grown considerably. I want Kerry to win. And I'll be really disappointed if that doesn't happen. Mebbe not 'Move To Canada' disappointed (it's cold there and Canadians are way too quirky), but definitely 'Don't Blame Me I Voted For Kerry Bumper Sticker' and 'Scream At The Television Whenever W. Appears' for the next four years disappointed.

Anyway. Back to turning states from white to red to blue to red and watching the numbers.


Hoss said...

Me too! I'll put out for Kerry! Or I could tie up Bushies on election day - oh no, that's a REPUBLICAN STRATEGY!

Gary Anderton said...

Presidential hopeful John Kerry has shown none of the resolve needed to crush terror. He did kill a goose, though.

If Americans get next Tuesday’s election wrong, our lives will be less safe.

I know, it sounds melodramatic to call the Democrat challenger, Senator John Kerry, a comfort to terrorists.

After all, you probably saw him last week, when he tried to show what a gun-happy tough he is, honest, by going out in borrowed camouflage to shoot a dozing goose.

We even got to see the shot-pocked bird, held up by its limp neck, as Kerry showed off his bloodied left hand. So caution: Kerry can kill. Birds, small squirrels – you name it, he’ll blast it. If he’s sure you’ll approve.

Boy, that will sure make Osama bin Laden wet his dish-dash. That’ll impress the terrorists who don’t just grab goose necks, but saw right through human ones.

Wait, Ahmed, they will now cry. Don’t slit the infidel’s throat. Let’s not get Kerry angry. Remember what he did to the goose.

--- Andrew Bolt ---

Gary Anderton Online