Monday, October 04, 2004

Spirited Discussion


Yesterday, Sunday, I attended a meeting of the Gay Men's SM and Spirituality Discussion Group in NYC.

For confidentiality reasons, I can't say what everybody else talked about, but rest assured, it was pretty powerful stuff.

I hit on a few points. And those I can talk about.

I talked about my tattoo journey (next session is this Friday night), and my boyhood. Two verrrry profound journeys.

And I talked about Delta. Here's the gist of it. Pre-Delta, I was listless and out of sorts. Whiney. No energy. Most disturbingly, I could not get enough sleep. At all. A couple of nights, I slept eleven hours. And I was sleeping right through my blaring alarm. Like nodding at a Stones concert.

The sleep thing was the real red flag. I resent the fact that I have to sleep. "Time enough to sleep when you're dead," my saintly hoar-headed grandmother used to say, and I took this to heart.

I was, plainly, depressed.

And then I went to Delta. I come back, and I'm full of energy. I'm getting so much done. This is no longer the house of a depressed person. I'm whistling while I work.

So what brought that about?

Pretty obvious, I think.

I need SM in my life. It's like a vitamin deficiency. I don't get enough of it, and I'm outta whack. (Huh. "No SM" = "outta whack." That pun was unintentional, I swear .)

It's not like being horny. Not like it at all. It's not a thing I notice, or even, particularly, long for.

But without SM, life just fades to gray. I forget who I am. SM is my Red Path in life. I get off it, and I'm lost. I still may be following a perfectly fine path, but it's not mine.

Okay. Now I've got to figure out a way of getting my minimum requirements met before next September.

Perhaps some lucky boy out there would like to make of his back a birthday present for me?


beaver4 said...


Could it be that you got out in the sunlight early in the morning at Delta and that had something to do with relieving your depressive state?

Obediently, beaver4

Hoss said...

I'm not a boy, but when's your birthday again?