Listen Up Wisconsin and Ohio!

Okay.

I'm really nervous. In the polls in Ohio and Wisconsin, Bush is surging and Kerry is sinking.

What's up with that?

Kerry needs one or the other, and probably both, in order to pull it out.

Desperate times require desperate measures.

Who's willing to join me in a pledge? If either Wisconsin or Ohio give their electoral votes to W., we do a Trojan Women number on them. No nookie, no nuthin'. If the Buckeyes and Cheeseheads want to go for Bush, that's just fine for them, but they'll get nothing from me.

"But wait!" you might object, "what if the guy voted for Kerry? That's not fair!"

No dice. You live in a Red State, you face the consequences. Just ask yourself what you didn't do. You'll have four long years to think it over.