Friday, July 28, 2006

Oh Right. I'm So Sure You're Wondering What This Post Is Going To Be About. Big Mystery! What Could It Be? What What What? Hmmmm... Think Really Hard. Let Me Know What You Come Up With.

Those Sadists! They're gonna make me sweat it out through the weekend!

Yeah yeah yeah. Ridiculous to assume that they'd call me the very next day or something. But I kind of had hope.

Instead, I've been obsessing! Filling up my head with dire ideas, replaying the whole thing again and again in my head... I couldn't even be distracted by this sweetfaced Starbucks boy with a great ass who was smoking his first cigar. Right there! In front of me! (Okay, so maybe I got a little distracted thinking about grabbing him, chaining him up, driving him up to NYC, and whoring him out for $5 a lay. $10 for the first time since it would be busting his cherry.) But I was right back to trying to figure out what my chances are.

At least this allowed me to take a break from wondering about the man from the hot tub.

Since I've bent the Baron's ear on this issue way too much, I decided to spread things out and I gave a call to UnFortunate.

And that was great! He let me run on and on about the whole thing, talking about it from every possible angle, and even got me off the subject once or twice.

Like to have this revelation... (I swear I'm not this self-absorbed! I'm not! I guess it's the result of spending so much time in rooms full of people talking about myself.) anyway, y'know how in so many romantic comedies it comes to pass that the guy tries and tries to get the girl of his dreams, and all the time he's plotting and whining to his girl buddy, and at the end of the movie, he realizes that the woman he was after is wrongwrongwrong, but that his girl buddy... well, suddenly he's looking at her in a whole new way!

That totally doesn't make sense to me. I don't fall in love with people I know. Not friends, not co-workers, not friends of friends.

Pretty obvious what that's about, right? Duh! I'm projecting my fantasies and desires on the guy! And that doesn't work if you've already got the skinny on him. Now, that might make me a romantic, but not a hopeless one. Because as I do find out about the guy, as actual facts supplant my projections, it just makes the experience deeper and richer.

So you if you want me, you need to get me while I'm I'm feeling it, when you first catch my eye. Act fast, before it's too late.

Because for me, of course, romance is license to dream. I stand there in the bar, looking at the guy, and in my head I'm forty years in the future, looking through a photo album of our life together. Here's the time we went to Montreal for Christmas! Here's us when we took that trip through the Sonoran Desert! Here's the one I took of him when we were lying in bed on Sunday drinking coffee and reading the Times. Here's him in the bubble bath I drew for him when he had the flu.


Hot tub guy, I swear. I have a hell of a lot to offer. Take a chance and see for yourself.

And you, Philadelphia non-profit! I'm pretty crushed out on you, too! I'm dreaming dreams. Imaginging how good I could be for you, and how good you could be for me, and the places we'd go together, and the things that we could do together.

C'mon Philadelphia non-profit. Take a chance. Let's see where we can go together.

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