Up Date

So. The interview. The date. How'd everything go?

The interview went great. At least, I did nothing wrong, and I think I did a lot right. I didn't see their eyes glazing over or the drumming of their fingertips on the table. And I really liked them. And I liked the place, too. Just the feel of it. They seem like a good organization, and I think I'd enjoy working there.

And then the date.

Oh man. Of course I had a good time. I found my way to his apartment, he got changed, we drove down to Chinatown to have Chinese food. We talked and talked the whole time. About real stuff. Life, values, change. We talk as though we've known each other for years.

And that, of course, is the problem.

The friend of a friend once observed, "Ever notice how the person in a relationship who gives the least has the most power?"

And I hate that this is making me think of those damnig words, but... well...

I like the guy so much. I almost wish he would do something wrong. Like make me spend an evening watching his Britney Spears video collection or something. So I could manage to back off. But instead, he just keeps doing things right.

It's been a long, long time since I met a man who I connected with like this. I'm really stuck on the guy.

I call him. He calls me back.

I know I know I know! Whatever, right? It's like I get an all expenses paid trip to Paris and I complain because I don't get to see the Cubs play Atlanta. But I have to admit, it's getting me a little crazy. Because I swear, the last time I noticed this was during the Mr. Bigshot Hollywood Producer episode. And I swear, I can't go through that again. I just can't.

But it puts me in such a tough position. It's like, "Oh! I know! I'll hold off and let him make the next move!" Ri-i-i-ight. That would involve me torturing myself, checking my cellphone and email every eleven minutes or so, and then finally breaking down and giving him a call and being like, "Oh. Hi. How goes it."

Okay. Enough. Grow up, dammit!

Here's the deal.

First off, he has a lot of stuff going on in his life. He needs somebody to talk to. He needs to know that sombeody out there is thinking about him. And especially in these matters, it's better to give than to receive.

But most importantly, during those long long drought periods, I promised myself how many times that if I ever got the opportunity again, I would give it my all.

So I can do this.

I'll be there. I'll be strong.

And if it turns out that he just doesn't feel it, that I just don't make it work for him, that will be okay, too.

But if he wants what I have to offer, then he'll be a verrry lucky man.

So we'll see.

And who knows? Maybe the phone will ring and it will be him, just calling to talk. Maybe I'll get an email where the subject line doesn't start with "RE:" saying to cancel my plans for Friday night or whatever. Maybe, the next time we're together, he'll turn to me and say, "Y'know, you're a really great guy. I like you a lot." Something like that.

Damn that would be sweet.

And, of course, scary. So that would be a whole new chapter.

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