Ta-DAH! The Kramer's no longer have a pile of firewood in the middle of their driveway!
My Christmas gift for my father was two cords of firewood. Unfortunately, the guys who delivered it couldn't back their dump truck past the powerlines running from the house to the garage, so they just unloaded as far back as they could get, right in the middle of the driveway. And yes, it took me until now to get off my lazy ass and stack it nice and neat in the back yard. But finally, it's done.
As you may or may not know, snakes love woodpiles. And I hate snakes. So I was sure that during this undertaking, there would be at least one snake siting. I just hoped I wouldn't squeal like a little girl and dance around fluttering my hands and rolling my eyes like I usually do. (It's a sight that would make anyone uneasy, and I would like to get laid at some future point in my life.)
Sure enough, as I was loading up the last wheelbarrow full of firewood, there he was, a big ol' garter snake. Perhaps because I'd been expecting him all along, instead of freaking the fuck out, I just greeted him--"Hello, Garter Snake!"--and watched as he made his way across the driveway and into the tall grass of the lawn.
So, not only did I not make like Shaggy in Scooby-Doo, I stacked a cord and a half of wood into nice neat piles.