Last night, I was thinking. In a way, I feel as though I've made peace with Boss Sunshine. He's a psycho, and I can't change that. But I can protect myself by not letting him get to me, and not getting roped in. Tonight, there's a town hall meeting at the LGBT Center that I've worked for weeks to plan and realize. At some point today--or possibly at several points today--he's going to yell at me. That's kind of inevitable. But, at the end of the day, I'll be headed home on the PATH train, hopefully avoiding suicide bombers and the stinky guy I sat next to this morning.

I can do anything if I set my mind to it. There is nothing that I can't tolerate.

The trick will be not allowing him to get to me. Yesterday, in the middle of a tirade, he suddenly said, "That briefing memo you wrote for me was excellent." And then continued with the tirade. I interpret that as throwing me out some bait to keep me on the line. Uh uh. I know that was an excellent memo. I wrote it. I know the issue inside and out. I don't need him to tell me that.

Here's the problem with this approach. I might get complacent. I could sit here being abused forever. Remember, I was in a relationship with a rage-a-holic dry drunk for seven and a half years, getting yelled at on the average once a week. Sometimes more, rarely less. Really early on, when we had only known each other for a few weeks, he blew up at me for something or other, and I locked myself in the bathroom. I thought about walking out the door then and there. But I thought, "No, he's a good guy. He wants to be in a relationship with me. As far as his temper goes, I'll just have to realize that that's the way he is and suck it up." Seven and a half years. Basically all of my thirties. After I split, I was shocked and surprised to learn that there were, in fact, hot men in the world who were interested in dating me and who didn't yell at me. Incredible, I know.

It's true that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting that 'this time' the result will be different, but another definition of insanity is deciding that situations brought about by your own choices and the vagaries of fortune are somehow "your lot in life" and it's not possible for it to ever be otherwise.

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