I've been thinking recently about identity. Jean Piaget was a french psychologist who worked with babies. He has a theory of developmental psychology that is subtle and brilliant. (Now, it's been a long time since I read Piaget, so I may veer off course here...) He held that as the babies neural networks were developing based on cues from the environment, identity was to some degree determined by the environment. But at the same time, the baby was able to manipulate the environment to some degree, so it sort of sets up a continuous feedback loop: baby changes envioronment, environment changes baby, baby changes envioronment, etc.

So identity, to a large degree, is contextual.

Now my identity, for which I guess we could use the shorthand of 'leatherman,' is surely to some degree affected by my environment, and that would be Lower Manhattan. From the environment, I determine the signifiers and models to adopt, and this identity doesn't bring me into conflict with my environment--quite the reverse, I get support, so it all sort of works.

Sartre held that identity was radically contingent. He gave the example of observing a waiter in a cafe, noting the odd formality, the erect bearing, the aire of brisk efficiency. Sartre pointed out that in the cafe, as a waiter, we don't even notice the behavior. But if someone were to behave that way in some other circumstances, like in a public park, the person would be absurd.

So what will become of my identity when I'm in a very different context? Granted, Bucks County is not Sioux Falls, South Dakota, but still, it's the land of farm stands, and firehouse chicken dinners, and yard sales, and hay rides, and skinny dipping in swimming holes, and that kind of stuff. Will I be absurd? Probably not overwhelmingly, but perhaps there will be the niggling concern at the edges of my consciousness. Without a supportive context, will I wear the leather less and less? Will I start to date some sweet-faced farm boy? Will I gravitate towards conventionality?

Nah. I doubt it. S/M meets a lot of deep needs that I have. I'm unlikely just to forget about it. But still, finding kindred souls will be an important thing. People who get it. People to whom I am not an oddity, to whom I am not absurd. I don't think that will be too difficult, but we'll see.

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