See... this is why I love GMSMA.

Last night, I went to a meeting of the Program Committee. Turn out was low, it was me, boybill, and the chair of the committee. We discussed the upcoming program being conducted by GMSMA's TNG group (TNG = The Next Generation, a sort of safe space for gay men aged 35 and younger within GMSMA). There wasn't much to discuss, as they've been given free rein to do the program. Looking forward to it. And, we talked about the June 25th program. It's on punching. The conversation that gave rise to it was my idea that so much of S/M play is a grown up version of games that we played as kids, although the kids games were covertly erotically charged, but the grown up versions are explicitly erotically charged. And of course the consummate game that boys play is "C'mon. Hit me. C'mon. Throw a punch. You call that hard? C'mon. Punch me. Punch me harder."

So it's looking like the program will be co-presented by two men. One is an affable guy who was responsible for doing Brawler's Fight Club here in NYC. And the second presenter is a guy... I hesitate to use his real name... he's pretty well known, and in such cases, I usually use real names here on Singletails, but I think I'll hold back and anonymize him... we'll call him Punch... who has a very particular scene: Face punching. Complete with black eyes and bloody lips.

Get it? He ties his bottoms in a chair (he refers to his bottom as 'punchmeat'), and proceeds to punch them in the face until they are bloody and bruised.

One of the men in attendance last night was worried about letting Punch do a demo. "It's so extreme... Your face is your persona that you present to the world... it's not like whip marks on the back... this is your face..." I disagreed. It's not extreme, it's S/M: it's safe, sane, and consensual. Punch gives the gestalt of tying a man in a chair and beating him bloody, but does it in a controlled and responsible way. I also reminded the objector to the issues that came up for me around the verbal abuse program that we did several months ago. Going into it, I was pretty uneasy. I had once witnessed a verbal abuse scene at the LURE that I found really unsettling. The Top was sitting on a barstool and had his boy on his knees at his feet.

It went like this...

"You're a piece of shit, aren't you?"
"Yes, Sir. I am a piece of shit."
"That's right. You're a worthless piece of shit."
"Yes, Sir. I'm a worthless piece of shit."

I wanted to intervene, to approach the Top, whom I outweighed by about 40 pounds and had about 20 years on, grab him and say, "Fuck you!"

As we discussed my misgivings in the Program Committee, it was pointed out to me that I saw a portion of the scene. There was probably negotiation beforehand, and aftercare in the wake of the scene. With that insight, I started to get into it, and ended up being one of the presenters for the program. But the story wasn't over. One of the demos I was scheduled to do was an attention grabbing (we hoped) seeminly spontaneous scene at the beginning of the evening, involving me berating a guy coming into the meeting based on what he was wearing. He was going to dress schleppy.

And I couldn't do it. It took me a while to figure out why. The reason was that for seven years, my Ex would not infrequently be yelling at me for how I was dressed. I had those voices in my head, and I couldn't make them come out of my mouth. We switched topics--instead I was berating the guy for having been slutty and provacative at an earlier GMSMA meeting--and it went off beautifully.

But anyway (oh. sorry. I digress ), I suggested that the objector perhaps needed to work through some issues he had here.

And, not only did I think that we absolutely should do a face punching demo, but if Punch wanted a bottom, I would be available.

Yup. I said that.

I find the idea really really hot. Very hot. Why? I don't particularly want to get my face beat to a bloody pulp, but I sense that that would be incredibly intimate. And the idea of having bruises and cuts for the next several days ("Geez! What happened to you? Were you in a fight?") gets my juices flowing too. I mean, that's butch, right?

Sort of like whipping. A lot like whipping. Especially since ARt whipped me, I see bottoming to a whipping scene as being a glorious thing. It's apotheosis, dying and becoming a god. Coming through the fire. Transcending the pain and soaring. Finding a warrior strength deep deep within, like iron that is made harder in the forge.

"Yeah. I got my lights punched out. It was pretty cool. What about it?"

I think I'll see about getting in touch with Punch.



But anyway, that was the Program Committee meeting. Three men, sitting in an apartment. Talking about what all this means. It was just beautiful. I love that.

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