Sunday, January 11, 2004

Pseudo. Real.

A realization talking to Diabolique last night at dinner: I need this trip to MAL.

Y'see, I've gotten pretty caught up in whatchya might call 'Psuedo-SM.'

Wuzzat?

Well, spend some time on AOL. If your only exposure to S/M was AOL, you'd think it was all about nullo, cannibalism, abduction, mind control through hypnosis, and gift-giving. All of which I find incredibly hot. And that's how I've been whiling away the hours lately.

Most of those are pretty safe. It's highly unlikely that I'm going to end up waking up after a bender to find that some guy has, in fact, removed my cock and balls. Not so with the gift giving thing. There seem to be plenty of guys who would delight in nothing more than giving me their charged seed. And, me getting plowed is not an unusual turn of events. So there's some risk here that i'd take the fantasy too far.

What's the allure?

Well, transformation for one thing. Marlboro Sir has really got me going with the whole cumdump training. (That, as you may have guessed, was what that was all about.) And there's some things to envy there. I've seen guys at clubs and parties who can just climb into the sling and take all comers cummers. Sex pig heaven. Guys I've spoke to who have been pozzed on purpose describe the experience as liberating.

But, things may not turn out so well. I hate doctors. I hate pills. I've never been able to complet a course of antibiotics in my life. Three years ago I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. The course of treatment is one pill once a day. I've been non-compliant for about a year and a half. And a friend of mine chillingly described his experience of being positive as not having a normal solid stool for the past seven years. I am not up for that.

But the thing is, all of that is pseudo-S/M. As opposed to real S/M. Real S/M is about connnection. About pushing limits. About the quest for excellence in ourselves and others. I know. I've been there. It's amazing. And I need some of that.

Y'see, pseudo-S/M is far more readily available than the Real Thing.

Except at MAL.

*sigh*

I'll be staying with the man--the very very very hot man--who broke me into boot service. That on its own should be worth the trip. Everything else is gravy.

Cool.

MAL Ho!


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