Bon Voyage!

After publishing the post below, I walked my dog and drove into Manhattan. There, I bought a sandwich and cigars, and went to the GMSMA Program Committee meeting. The meeting, as usual, was much fun. We have some great programs lined up for next year. When it came to the assignment of coordinators, I sat on my hands. In most cases, other folks were willing to jump in and coordinate programs. Life Lesson to Learn: You don't have to do everything; trust others. Then I hit the gym. I had just eaten my sandwich during the meeting, so I did a light workout focusing on chest and triceps. Then I grabbed an ice coffee and enjoyed a cigar as I walked back to my car in the West Village. Driving home, I was thinking about the vet appointment with my dog tomorrow (gotta get directions from MapQuest).

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I meet basanos this week. If not this week (and the only variable in the equation is a set of head gaskets on a Dodge Ram truck), then next week. And then my whole life is different. And then, I own a slave. And then, I am a Master.

"Oh look. There goes Master Drew."

Nah. I can't deal with that. "Master Drew" sounds like I'm the eldest son of English nobility. "Oh Spivey. Young Master Drew will be taking his tea in the library this afternoon." And "Yes, Master" has all those Ygor and Renfield connotations.

Just call me, Sir. The guy who made my sandwich called me Sir. The guy who made my iced coffee called me Sir. I like Sir. Sir is fine. If you want be formal, then 'Drew, Sir,' works. But not, 'Sir Drew.' "Arise, Sir Loin of Beef."

To be sure, I won't get miffed if I get called Drew. The only one from whom I expect forms of address reflecting the fact that I own a slave is my slave.

But I digress. I'm binding anxiety, clearly.

This could be the most significant step I've ever taken.

Am I prepared? Hell no. Well, sort of. But for any Big Change, "preparation" is nothing more or less than your life up until that point. The important thing is to be open to learning and adapting as circumstances and challenges unfold.

Gosh. A whole new ballgame.

Every affirmation is also a negation. But in this instance I have difficulty determining what all I'm saying 'no' to. Maybe I have the rose colored glasses planted on my nose, but I just see this in terms of opening up possibilities, rather than diminishing them.

basanos has sought this for years. And I'm the lucky man that gets to make it happen for him.

I want to be good. No, I want to be the best. The best that ever was.

A former roommate of mine, also an aspiring writer, has an interesting "One Writer's Beginnings" story. When he was in high school, he was selected to do a summer program in Creative Writing at Columbia University. This meant leaving his home in New Hampshire and coming down to spend time in NYC. Very exciting. At the close of the program, he received an evaluation. His read, in part, "consistently excellent work, the best I've seen in the high school program." This made former roommate sit up and take notice. Not the 'consistently excellent work' part, but 'the best I've seen.' Being the best, or aspiring to be the best, is serious. And I'm not aspiring to be the Best slave Owner Ever! or something. That's sort of absurd. And the criteria to judge such a thing would be what exactly?

Rather, I want to be the best possible Master for basanos.

No mean feat. I see this as a process of unlocking and releasing basanos' potential. And basanos is quite the accomplished man, a man worthy of respect.

So the world changes.

This is big. Really big.

It's not like I haven't been aware of the implications of this all along. It's just that in the wake of the severus episode, I've been self-protective. That has manifested itself as "If it happens, it happens; if it doesn't, then it doesn't." I've been reluctant to discuss the whole deal and what it means to me, fearful of jinxing it in some way. Well now it's looking like it's gonna happen.

I mentioned briefly that I mailed to basanos a jockstrap I had worn for a weekend and then taken a piss in. We were talking on the phone when he opened it. He was pleased. In it's plastic baggie, it was redolent with me. At one point, I said, "Get to know your Master's smell."

Just like that. In our conversations, we've been informal. Just talkin'. After all, he's not yet my slave, and I don't want to diminish the significance of that transition by acting as if he was. So that was pretty much the first time that I verbally acknowledged where this all is going.

"Get to know your Master's smell."

Regarding our honeymoon of sorts, I thought of a different way of looking at it: a week-long scene. That got the creative juices flowing. "First this, and then this, followed by this, and the whole time I'll do this, and at some point I'll do this, but I'll wait till the time is ripe..." Planning a scene is, of course, something that I love to do.

And that's a good way to look at collaring basanos: a lifelong scene. On and on. Deeper and deeper.

I had a brief and fascinating conversation with a guy at my gym tonight. Heretofore, we've been on a nodding and 'hi howaya' basis. He told me about how his life had changed with the death of his aunt. She had to have heart surgery, and she didn't recover. "The operation was a success but the patient died," as they say. Before her operation, they had a conversation. She told him that she didn't want to die, because she hadn't done anything she wanted to do with her life. He realized that up to that point, neither had he. I know whereof he speaks. Seven years. Seven years in a relationship that did nothing for me. ("The shoulder I been leaning on is the coldest place I've ever known," as Emmylou Harris sings.) In the movie about my life, the actor who played me would have a supporting role. There off to the side, in the frame, but slightly out of focus. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

No more. Increasingly, I'm taking center stage. And writing the script. And directing the action. And the reviews have all been raves.

And in the next act, I collar a slave.

Another thing I like. This doesn't determine the action at all. It's not like, "we get married and buy a house in the suburbs and raise a family and retire and then we die." Who knows where this journey will take me/us? The possibilities are limitless.

Lord God, Heavenly Father, be with me. Guide me. Help me. Grace me with wisdom. Grace me with courage. Grace me with strength. Grace me with patience--with myself especially. Grace me with love. Grace me with conviction.

Thank you for the gift of my life. Thank you for entrusting me with the life of my slave. With every gift comes a task. With your help, I'm up to the task.

Anyway, gotta walk the dog.

---