Identity Crisis?

Cigars, cigars, cigars. I am having a blast with cigars, albeit with cheap cigars. Cheap cigars, cheap beer, and cheap boys.

So last night, I hit the gym, then had a cigar while I walked south to the West Village. I wanted a latte, but this presented a problem. I couldn't go into either Factory Cafe or Espresso Bar with my cigar. I loitered outside hoping someone I knew would stop by who I could ask to run in and get me a latte. No such luck. Got my latte, and headed to Chick-Inn at Hudson & Leroy for dinner. Alas, they seem to have all new staff, and I hope the staff that I knew and loved while the place was Anglers & Writers have landed on their feet alright. However, the new folks working there seem to be lesbians.

Oh. "Chick-Inn." Lesbians. Got it.

Then it was off to the Eagle. I made my way to the roof deck and enjoyed a Budweiser and... a cigar. And I'm standing there and this guy comes up to me.

"Aren't you on Leather Navigator?" he asks.
"Why, yes I am," I reply.
"Wow. Wow! It's great to meet you. You're even hotter in person than on line. And I love your web site. It's so cool."
"Gosh, thanks, I appreciate that."

and then he says...

"You're LthrEdge, right?"

I let him down easy. He had never heard of 'Dutch,' which is my screen name on Leather Navigator.

But then this thing happened.

When it comes to men, I'm pretty catholic in my tastes. But for no good reason, I found myself applying a 'No-facial-hair-no-second-look' rule. And we're not talkin' 'hasn't shaved in three days.' That don't count. Nope. Had to be facial hair. And I developed this weird Spidey-sense like intuition: I had this awareness of every other man on the deck who was smoking a cigar.

Facial hair. Cigars.

Am I becoming LthrEdge?

Maybe, maybe not.

Wanna hear a clever thing I said to a guy at the gym the other day? He was saying something to me like, "Wow! Great stache... and the leather... Hooey! You're a hot man." Without thinking the words came out of my mouth: "Thanks. But I didn't create the archetype, I just embody it."

That got a blank, uncomprehending look. (Nice going. Keep that up and you'll never get laid again!)

So perhaps it's not expressed correctly to say that I'm becoming 'Edge. Rather, I'm asymptotically approaching the same archetypal ideal as 'Edge.

For now anyway.

But I gotta tell you, this cigar thing is really working out. I am seriously wondering if I could quit smoking cigarets. And just smoke cigars. That would be a harm-reductiony kinda thing.

Attempts at quitting smoking in the past have gone no where. One of the big reasons is that I fetishize smoking. So there I'd be. Four days off cigarets, and I'm scoping a hot guy, and he lights up a cigaret. So much for that noble endeavor. But with cigars, I can just supplant one fetish with another. And of course the fact that cigars can be viewed as being a little bit more hard core (Conviction!) than sparking a Marlboro light is not without appeal.

Anyway. I'm off to Home Depot to buy some chain.

Later.

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