Five figures

Yo!

My hit counter reads 10,005.

That is gratifying.

10,005 instances of people coming here to read stuff I wrote.

My words rattling around in the heads of so many people.

I wonder if the following have ever been uttered?

"It's just like this thing I was reading about on SingleTails!"
"I read something along those lines on SingleTails."
"I swear, this guy must be reading my mail."
"I wonder what SingleTails would have to say about this."
"Look at the ass on that boy! As SingleTails would say, you could stand four beer mugs on an ass like that."

In other words, am I changing the world? Are people seeing the world in a different way? Are people looking at the world in a different way--however slightly--because of something they read here?

The purpose behind my writing this blog that emerged from the original fuzzily defined impetus of 'this is so cool!' is to change the way that people think about Leather. I'm not a caricature, I'm not a sicko (okay, so maybe I am a sicko, but I like dogs!), I'm not Mr. Benson. Like you, I'm composed of Eros and of dust. It's all here: hopes, fears, indecision, longing, insecurity, vanity, questions, plans of action, accomplishment, unfulfilled ambitions, crushes, disappointment. There's narry a month of the archives that I can't read through without wincing at least once. Unless something I write is going to hurt someone's feelings unnecessarily, I tend not to hold back.

And all of this is animated by S/M. That's the organizing principle of my life. S/M is a very human thing. One feeble attempt among many to make sense of life, to snag a little joy, to connect. Only connect, as Carolyn Forche said. I draw on the traditions and ideas of those who have gone before me, but I do my best to make my own way.

"What a giftee the Laird to gi'e us:
To see oorselves as others see us."

My sister has something to do with all of this. When she died, something I was keenly aware of was the fact that she knew me. From her vantage point, she was able to observe me at close range over the course of my entire life. With her death on July 15, 2000, any insights she may have had into me was lost forever. I've compensated for this loss in part by replacing her with the World Wide Web.

In some ways, regular readers of SingleTails know me better than I know myself. You have objectivity there that I don't have. Potentially, more astute readers have a handle on the Great Karmic Riddle that I'm trying to solve, the Great Karmic Riddle we all have to solve about ourselves in this life.

So onward and upward.

And thanks for pointing your browser this way.

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