Working Stiff

Oh yeah. It was great. Everything I hoped it would be.

D'ja ever have the experience when you start a new job, and on the first day, they're not quite sure what to do with you, so they have you do something like putting file folders in alphabetical order or data entry or cleaning up the desk that will be yours? And it's so soothing and relaxing to do that compared with the anxieties of the challenges facing you that you wish you could just do whatever mundane task you're doing?

Well... that was my day! Only the thing I was doing is my job!

I watched a safety video (of course I took notes; like I'm gonna remember Lock Down/Tag Out procedures or the difference between Permissable Exposure Level (PEL) and Threshhold Limit Value (TLV) and the signs of over-exposure to paint thinner?), filled out my W-2 form and my I-9, and then I met the guys, including the production manager, and Sweeney sans Nightingales, my mentor and guide, and the other guys in the group I was working with, most of whose names begin with the letter 'J.'

Sans Nightingales was, in fact, pretty woofy. What a gut on that man. Looks like he's carrying twins. Maybe triplets. And then I was shown how to do sanding. I was good at sanding. I brought the first few pieces that I sanded to Nightingale or J #1, and heard critiques along the lines of "Perfect" and "Flawless." In my time as the executive director of a non-profit agency and chief-of-staff to a member of the New York State Senate, did I ever hear "Perfect" and "Flawless" used to describe my work? No. No I did not.

And I get paid money to do this?

The whistle blew, and I introduced myself to more people during the ten minute mid-morning break. Oh. A weird thing. For no apparent reason, I told people, "Call me 'Dutch.' Everybody else does. In fact, only one person on the planet calls me Dutch, and that's Sweetheart Sir. Y'see, my handle on Leather Navigator is 'Dutch.' My handle used to be 'BDSMguyNNJ,' but after a couple of people came up to me and said, aren't you BM-man-New Jersey and I responded 'what the fuck are you talking about, fella?' I decided to change it. So I picked dutch. Dutch is one letter away from Butch, and it was Ronald Reagan's nickname, too. So now, I'm Dutch. At work anyway. In a way, this was smart. When I run into someone while Christmas shopping at the Montgomeryville Mall and someone comes up to me and says, "Hey Dutch! How's it going?" I'll know they're from work. But in the first half of the day, people would say, "Hey Dutch, let me show you how this works" and it would take me a minute to respond. In the second half of the day, I over-corrected and answered to anything anyone said. I'll work that out. I hope.

I've never had a nickname, but I always secretly wanted one. Everybody got nicknames my freshman year of college. Except me. I hung out with Hoagie, John D. Freshman, Snap, Moose, Smitty, and a bevy of others, but no nickname thrown at me stuck.

So now, I'm Dutch.

Luckily, in my group, there was a guy that nobody liked, and he sort of provided an example of What Not To Do. The other guys consider him a Walker. He's always off taking a bathroom break or getting a drink of water or whatever. So I will not be a Walker. Unluckily, late in the day I bonded with this guy. He broke the ice as we were both working at the same sanding table by asking, "So, do you ride?"

Yes! He scores! "Ride" as in "Ride a motorcycle." I've got that 'Rides a motorcycle' mystique! How cool is that? I explained 'Not yet,' because I made a promise to my father that I wouldn't until he shuffles off this mortal coil.

But then ice was breakin' all over the place. I played the Yeah-I-was-in-New-York-City-during-September-11th card with Sans Nightingales. Worked like a charm.

And here's another thing. The Management People were coming over to where I was working all day long and asking how things were going. Now, maybe they do this to all the new employees, but I like to think that it's just because they have great hopes and plans for me.

I like to think this because... well... I have big hopes and plans for me. I want to be The Guy. Uh oh. They're getting backed up in Hardware. Let's send Dutch over there till they get caught up. We need to get this guy trained on the Router; let's ask Dutch to work with him for a while. Dang, they want a Bleach White finish on this. I can never remember how that works. Is Dutch around?

I totally want to be The Guy. They have an 'Employee of the Month' plaque inside the front door. The countdown begins. How long before Dutch's name graces the Employee of the Month plaque? Gimme nine months at least.

And after work, I had a latte and a cigar at Starbucks. I saw the Vice President, who hired me come around the corner and head into the store. Yikes! I froze. Say 'hi?' Could be awkward. I buried my face in my book.

So much for my '30s Communist delusions! Not with my patrician ways!

Ah well.

After Starbucks came a great workout at the gym. Then home to make Tuna Noodle Surprise for me and my father.

I'm likin' this.

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