Remember Back When We Used To Have "Safe Words"?

Those days are gone.

A new day is dawned.

Despite my D+ on the 8th Grade Science Quiz, I'm a genius!

So I was talking to this guy on line. Big, hot, beefy bodybuilder guy. From his profile, he's pretty much a Top, and not much into SM.

I complimented him on his back. (And he has a beautiful back. Rhomboids like loaves of bread.) He came back with something like, "My back? Are you into giving massages or something?"

"Well, yeah," I answered, "But mostly I'd like to whip you."

"Whip me? Kidding me? What did I ever do to you?"

"Not about that," I explained, "It's just that I'd have a good time whipping you. See what happens first: my arm gets tired, or you tap out."

Case you're not up on Ultimate Fighting, "Tapping Out" is when the match is over. One of the fighters will slap the canvas with his palm three times, as a way of saying, "Okay, I give in. I've had enough." Sort of the hyper-masculine equivalent of saying "Uncle."

There was a pause. Then came his reply: "I never tap out."

And all of a sudden he was totally into it. It didn't take much coaxing from me ("I bet you can take a lot"), and now this Not-Into-SM Top guy wants me to whip him.

Alas, he lives on the West Coast, so it's not gonna happen any time soon.

But still, what a great strategy for seduction: We'll just go till you tap out.

It's like Johnny Knoxville and Ultimate Fighting and John Cena and Backyard Wrestling have all conspired to bring about the circumstances where men are forming a line so that I can chain them up and whip them. Till my arm gets tired or until they tap out. Whichever comes first.

So remember, the next time you're at a play event and you hear someone talking about "Tapping Out," the idea was original with SingleTails.

I'm gonna go practice with my bullwhips.