Households

Duh.

How could I not see what I was dancing around the other night? it's pretty obvious when you think about it.

From time immemorial, believers of whatever stripe have decided to solve the problem of being 'in the world but not of the world' by joining together in communal living. In other words, they set up house together.

How cool would that be? A network of Leather houselholds, from Portland, Maine, to San Diego, California. Now, such households currently exist, but they tend to be organized along the lines of a Master with means and his boys and slaves. I'm thinking of a looser, and perhaps more egalitarian structure. Simply a group of men for whom BDSM is a key aspect of their lives living together. Setting up house. Each one receiving according to his needs, and contributing according to his abilities. Or whatever Karl Marx said.

Here would be the benefits:

• Pooled resources mean better quality of life for all involved. Back in my grassroots activism days, we were all deeply envious of the MNS folks we knew. They all had minimal work responsiblilites, but lived pretty well considering.
  
• Extra bedrooms to accommodate long-term and short-term visitors, including those interested in joining the community, could be an additional source of income.
  
• A great dungeon. A fabulous dungeon.
  
• The disabled could be cared for by the able bodied members of the community, obviating the need to shuffle off to an Assisted Living place where they frown on cigar smoking
  
• Different households would have a different 'spirit,' some might be more a collection of loners who keep to their rooms, some might be almost monastic, some might be relaxed and others highly structured, depending on the particular charism of the men involved, and changing over time.
  
• How cool would it be to share your life with other men, some of whom are younger than you, some of them older than you, eating, drinking, playing, learning, living, evolving, and, probably, dying, together? How incredibly enriching would that be?
  
• Necessarily, these households would be places of learning and exploration.
  
• This isn't an entirely new thing. Plenty of models exist. From ancient monastic Rules, to contemporary attempts. For example, since the '70s, there was--and possibly still is--a thing in Philadelphia called Movement for a New Society. MNS was organized, I believe, under the auspices of the American Friends Service Committee (those nutty Quakers!). The idea was that people could live cheaply together and do social justice work. They put out a series of publications on How To Do This that are probably still around. (For example, if you've ever been involved with a grassroots political group where meetings were conducted on a loose version of Roberts' Rules of Order and lead by a "Facilitator," that method was devised by MNS.)
  
• One thin reed out there all alone will be broken by the wind, but when you bundle reeds together, they're strong. It's tough to keep the faith when you're farflung (as I'm finding). Even though you may not particularly like or have much in common with the men you're living with, you'll be better off with them than without them.
  
• And just how were you planning on spending your old age? Hmmmm? In that fifth floor walk up in Lower Manhattan? Or being carted off to a retirement community somewhere? Wouldn't it be better to know that your final years will be spent among men who you have chosen to be with and have grown to love?
  
• In the craziness of the pace and placelessness of modern society, how are the young going to be taught by the old? How are traditions and folkways going to be passed on? Do we even know what our traditions and folkways are at this point?
  

And there would be downsides...

• "Who is responsible for that obscene window treatment in the library?" It's gay men we're talking about, and many of us have verrrrrry strong feelings about design and the a thousand other minute details of daily living. And... Oh. My. God... the food issues! Being in a relationship--any relationship--means that you're never again going to get 100% of what you want for as long as that relationship endures. You might on a really good day get into the 96 or 97 percentiles, but those occasions are rare. Some of us are much more skilled than others at conflict resolution ("Where's Jim?" "He's sulking in his room again about Walter's window treatment in the library.")
  
• But it takes time. Lots of time. We're thinking of getting plumbing out in the dungeon. It's going to be expensive. This will require a six hour house meeting to discuss. Paul is adamant about having a wash sink and a urinal, but Carl likes the arrangement of the bondage frame and the cross that would definitley have to be moved if we were going to go that route. Get the picture?
  
• A life of constant change and novelty can be challenging. This would not be about settling down and knowing that tomorrow will pretty much be a lot like today. Men will leave, new men will come to take their places, and every knew personality will fundamentally change the group as a whole. Just when you're getting comfortable and liking how things are going, there's a new pup in the pack.
  
• Similarity or diversity? What works best? A house full of academics? Or making sure that the bookish are spread out in various households?
  
• What about your stuff? All of us have stuff, and some of that stuff might not fit in the common areas of the house or our bedroom. Would you be able to give up your stuff? That dry sink that belonged to your Great Aunt Opal? Can you put that out on the curb?
  
• Start-up costs might be prohibitive. And how to protect the investment--since we're talking about buying real estate--should someone decide to move on?
  

But by my calculus, the benefits far outweigh the downsides. I would definitely want to live this way.

Logistics?

I love logistics!

First off, to organize something like this, it would take something like a national clearinghouse. The only organization of national scope we have available to us is the Leather Archives and Museum. Even though it's somewhat outside of their purview, I think it would be worthwhile for them to devote .5 FTE to a project like this. Essentially, a questionnaire would be developed about habits, income, personality profile, location, and when groups of three or four emerge that have possibilities, these folks would be put in touch with each other. And, I don't doubt that we have the resources within the community (lawyers, real estate developers, the investment savvy, psychologists, architects) who would be willing to donate their skills to put together a boilerplate.

Dang. How cool would this be?

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