Wayne's Dungeon

[Theme music plays and fades.]

Wayne: Hey whats up! So I'm Wayne, and this is Wayne's Dungeon. We're all about Hardcore S/M here. And this is boy garth. He's as hardcore as they come! Say hello, garth!

Garth: Hey.

Wayne: Cool! And we've got a special guest tonight on Wayne's Dungeon. Please join me in giving a Hardcore welcome to my good buddy Stig Stymie! A Hardcore player if there ever was one.

Stig: Hey Wayne! Good to see you, Boss!

Wayne: Good to see you, too, Boss. Damn you're lookin' good!I guess your workout is going pretty good for you.

Stig: Oh yeah. Every day. Without fail.

Wayne: Oh yeah, Meathead! And what are you supplementing with?

Stig: Y'know, testosterone, Human Growth Hormone, 'roids, and something new I came by. Yak stem cells.

Wayne: Whooooa! Hardcore, Stig!

Stig: Oh yeah. Yak stem cells are way Hardcore! Look at these guns, Wayne. The boys love'em.

Wayne: Dang! Yak stem cells. Does ADAP pay for that?

Stig: Not yet.

Wayne: So what Hardcore play you getting lately?

Stig: You know me, Wayne. I'm Hardcore!

Wayne: Yeah, Hardcore!

Garth: Hardcore... cool!

Stig: Did a great scene last night. This hot muscle boy. Sweeeet. And very Hardcore!

Wayne and Garth: Hardcore!

Stig: Really Hardcore! I mean. I was fisting him. And I mean, not just fisting, I was punchfucking the boy. Like winding up. Hardcore, y'know!

Wayne: Yeah! Hardcore!

Stig: And he was taking me past my elbow!

Wayne: Oh yeah!

Stig: And then, with my other one, I reach down and get my flogger, the one with the razorblades at the ends of all the tails...

Wayne: The Hardcore flogger!

Stig: You're calling it right, Boss! And I start working the boy's chest with the flogger. He was a bloody mess in no time.

Garth: Hardcore!

Wayne: Way Hardcore!

Stig: So then, with my other hand, I get my Bowie knife, and I carve my fuckin initials in the boy's back!

Wayne: Yo! That's Hardcore!

Garth: Uh... doesn't that make three hands? One for fisting, and one for flogging, and one for the knife...

Stig: Ummm...

Wayne: Garth, it was a Hardcore scene! Don't you get it?

Garth: Oh. Right. Hardcore!

Stig: Yeah! Hardcore!

Wayne: That sounds like a pretty magical scene!

Stig: Oh yes! The magic was there! It was... spiritual. And the boy was into that aspect of it!

Wayne: Very Hardcore! What was that boy's name? I'd like to meet up with him.

Stig: It was... Lyle. No. Leon. Or something. He was from Montana. Or Iowa. One of those rectangular states.

Wayne: Right! Kickin' it Hardcore! And you've got some more porn out, huh?

Stig: Yeah. It's way Hardcore. Doing porn is great. Y'know, you've done porn, Wayne. We outta do porn together sometime. Something really Hardcore!

Garth: Probably not, Dude. Your body's in better shape than Wayne's, and he won't do porn with somebody..

Wayne: Garth! Yo! You are so harshing my mellow!

Garth: But you said... Remember I asked you why you never did porn with your boyfriend, cuz he does porn, too, and you said...

Wayne: Garth, what I said was that my boyfriend and I play really Hardcore! And you couldn't put something that Hardcore on DVD.

Garth: Oh. I remember that. Cause you're way too Hardcore.

Stig: And I got the invitation to your Hardcore dungeon event. That looks like it's gonna be really cool.

Wayne: It'll be Hardcore!

Stig: I expect nothing less from you!

Wayne: The dungeon is great! Real Hardcore! And the invite list is totally Hardcore! All the Hardcore players! And the accommodations are so great! All the way!

Garth: I can't wait to get to that hotel! I hope it's one of those hotels that put chocolates on your pillow. Turn down service! Hardcore!

Wayne: Uh... Garth?

Garth: Yeah, Wayne?

Wayne: Chocolates on the pillow are not Hardcore.

Garth: I thought they were...

Wayne: No. They're not Hardcore.

Garth: Sure?

Wayne: Garth, I think I know what is Hardcore and what isn't Hardcore.

Garth: But I thought they were.

Wayne: Well they're not.

Garth: I kinda like'em though.

Stig: I always love that when they put chocolates on the pillow. That is so cool.

Wayne: Well, that's it for Wayne's Dungeon. And remember, if you're gonna play, make sure it's Hardcore!!!

Stig and Garth: Yeah! Hardcore!

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