Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Cruelty To Animals

Today, Wednesday, March 28th, I mercilessly tortured my dog. I was heartless and unrelenting. I used the most diabolical of all weapons: soap and warm water.

That's how he'd tell it anyway. From my perspective, I was just giving him a bath. It's a beautiful day for it. The weather is sunny and warm. And he's starting to blow out his winter coat, as testified to by the blanket of dog fur that rings my room and most other places in the house.

He hates water. I removed his collar and picked him up, and it wasn't until I deposited him in the shower stall and climbed in with him that he knew something was really Really REALLY wrong. Throughout, he makes these whiny little whimpers that I refer to as his "little mouse noises." I'd say I turned a deaf ear to his pleading, but that wouldn't quite be accurate. I find it almost unbearably cute.

After I soaked, soaped, and rinsed him, I did the same for me. "See! Dad likes getting all clean! It's not so bad!"

Faithful Companion was not reassured by this.

Once the door of the shower stall slid open in it's tracks, he was out of there like a shot.

But then came the part he really likes: the toweling off! (Dogs love getting toweled off! At least my dog does.

Now, his noises are vastly different, all playful growls and yelps of joy.

I put some clothes on and we headed out onto the porch for some brushing and combing. The real brushing and combing will come later. When his wooly undercoat, loosened by the bath, will turn my little brown-eyed boy into a cottonball factory with four legs and a tail.

Maybe tomorrow or the next day, I'll take him over to the dog park in Montgomeryville and show him off.


girlfag said...

Seeing it's still March, I have a question for you. It is one asked of me as well. Because it will be a few days before my response, I refuse to read your answer until after I've formulated my thoughts. But...I would LOVE to know what you think.

How do you define sex?

By the way, I'm still seriously stumped by your question. I have half of it...and the other half...eek!
Thank you for the challenge.


riot said...

They may not like the bath, but every puppy likes to be shown off!

Here's a question: has your dog ever gotten you laid?


Drew said...

Another Question!

I have no idea. My dog was a rescue dog. Not too long after we found each other, I took him to the vet to get snipped. And that sure hasn't happened since then.

But I'm inclined to think not. Although I don't know anything about Faithful Companion's "life on the streets," he probably had a pretty rough time. His teeth were worn down from chewing rocks. So we're talking basic survival, not giving a lot of time for congress and procreation. Also, he humps nothing, and never has. And doesn't show a lot of interest in girl dogs. (Just like his Daddy!)

riot said...

No, no, no...has your dog ever gotten YOU laid? As in, "Wow what a sexy dog you have Mr. Man, why don't you come back and boink me while he watches?"



Drew said...

Ooooooh. I see. Sorry about that c., I missed the operative personal pronoun.

I think the answer would be know. When I used to walk him in Hamilton Park in Jersey City, there were a few fellow dog owners (two bears with geryhounds in particular) I wouldn't have minded having a romp with, but nothing ever came of it.

But I did use Faithful Companion as a gauge of the quality of men I'd bring home. I remember well one whipping scene I did. When it was all over, we emerged from my den to find that Faithful Companion ate something that disagreed with him, and I had several puddles of vomit to clean up. To his credit, the guy didn't get all freaked out about it. He explained that he loved dogs, had owned many dogs, and realized that vomit was part of the picture. This wise and kind man absolutely got an invitation to visit again.