Sure As Sherpa

Despite the fact that my previous attempts to influence popular culture in one way or another (trying to introduce the word "Daft," which means, roughly, "idiotic" in Scotland as a complementary term along the lines of "Phat" and "Stoopid"; trying to get flagging a white hankie to mean that you're on the lookout for comfort sex rather than a blowjob or a handjob as it currently signals) haven't worked out so well, here I go again.

Is there perhaps some area in your life where you need the guidance of a geeky expert? You want to buy a new computer, or you have a new high-profile job that requires a spiffy new wardrobe, or you've invited ten people to dinner even though cooking for a crowd of that size isn't something you've taken on before, or you're moving into a new apartment and you don't want it to look like a dorm room the way your last apartment did?

And there's all these reality tv shows where people who are expert in these areas swoop down into the lives of folks in need. Don't you wish that would happen to you?

Of course you do! We all of us have our deficits.

Then again, if you think about it, there are probably some things that you're totally great at, right?

Throwing an orgy? Can do! Out-of-towner planning a trip to NYC that involves something more than The Drowsy Chaperone and some lame-o over-priced dinners? I'll set you up, Bucko! Interested in supplementing your income by doing some hustling on weekends? Talk to a pro!

As we all know, climbers of Himalayan peaks hire a sherpa, someone who knows the mountain and will be happy to guide you.

There are areas in my life where I could sure use a sherpa. Areas that have nothing to do with climbing Himalayan peaks. And at the same time, I know some stuff about some stuff that would qualify me as a sherpa. (Again, excluding the climbing of Himalayan peaks.)

Now, there already exists a forum whereby people offering services can hook up with people in need of those services. And it's called Craigslist. So what I'm recommending here is a new "term of art." Think about what sherpa services you could offer, and throw some ads up on Craigslist. I hereby declare that the fees involved will not excede $20/hour. And what we're talking here is something less than hiring a consultant, and something more than a bit of friendly advice.

Here are the sherpa services I could offer...

Dating Sherpa What to wear, where to take him, what to talk about, how to find him, how to ask him.

Dungeon Design Sherpa How to create the erotic playspace of your dreams on a budget!

Getting A Dog Sherpa Are you ready to take that step? What kind of responsibility are you taking on? How do you find a good dog? Puppy or adult?

Leather Makeover Sherpa Don't buy chaps off the internet. Just don't do that. We'll head out shopping and I'll set you up. And it'll be fun!

Menu Planning Sherpa What should I make??? I'll help you out! Not to worry! And they'll love it!

Getting In Shape Sherpa Not personal training, just some perspective on finding some physical activity you enjoy. Rule Number One: It's gotta be fun. Rule Number Two: it's gotta make you feel good about yourself.

Cigar Sherpa How to pick one you'll like, where to buy them, how to smoke'em.

20th Century Architecture Appreciation Sherpa You and me, at the museum. I'm the Sister Wendy of Gehry and Meier, Bay-bee!

And at the same time, I'd be keen to find some sherpas...

Elder Care Sherpa Just what are my options for my dad? How would I go about arranging for home care? How does financing assisted living or senior housing work? What happens when my dad requires more help than I can provide?

Personal Finance Sherpa I. Need. Help. Not desparately right now, but that thing that people do called "saving"? How does that work exactly? And a 40.99% APR on credit cards isn't the standard, right?

Owning A boy Sherpa Ummm... Maybe premature, but a guy can dream, right?

Car Maintenance Sherpa How to find a good mechanic, what should I be doing that I'm not, what can I do as opposed to paying someone else to do? Lesbians learn this when they get their membership cards, right?

Landscaping Sherpa After the deer ate all the hosta I planted...

Starbucks Sherpa I go in there, and I just get so confused, I don't know what all the drinks are, and is it okay just to hang out after you get your coffee? And for how long? And do they call it "coffee" at Starbucks?

(Hah! Joke!)

So you get my drift?

What kinds of sherpa services could you offer? And what sherpas would help you out?