Stakes and Silver Bullets are No Help!

I've never read Anton LeVay's Satanic Bible. But my college roommate did. And he went through a... y'know... phase after he read it. Along the lines of, "Well, in the Satanic Bible, Anton LeVay says..." That kind of thing.

He went to Catholic school. So you get the picture.

Anyway, most of what was relayed to me that 'Anton LeVay Said' I never heard in the first place. But there's one idea that has stuck by me all these years. Probably because it's so apt.

That idea would be the concept of the Psychic Vampire. The world is full of 'em. And they come out in the daytime, too. A psychic vampire is a person who seemingly subsists by draining the psychic energies of others. They take and they Take and they TAKE.

"I am having such a hard time right now," is a typical conversation opener for the vamp. A polite, "Hi! How are you?" is all the encouragement they need. You listen to their problems. Their gripes. Their frustrations. You affirm them. You do your best to be sympathetic.

They're grateful. And you come away feeling good about yourself. For about a minute. The next time your cell phone is ringing and it's them, you groan.

Because they give nothing back in return. You get nuttin'.

I think there's a subset of this ilk within Mondo BDSM. That would be the Eternal Novice. "I'm exploring. I'm really nervous. I'm scared of these desires of mine." Now, we all want to be good, nurturing responsible Tops. Those of us who are Tops anyway. And so we launch into I'm-good-with-newbies! mode. Even though the guy might not be someone to whom we feel physically attracted, i.e., nothing doing in the Schwinng!!! department. We plunge in. We do a scene.

But afterwards, there's nothin. Cuz Mr. Psychic Vampire Newbie has retreated into his fear, ambivalence, and narciscism. And sure enough. After a time, here he comes sidling up to us at the bar. Or there's the email in the Inbox. Or the groan inducing cell phone call. Mr. Psychic Vampire Newbie is back for seconds.

The giveaway is that Mr. PVN treats you the way he'd treat, say, a massage therapist who gave him a freebie. He's full of complements and gratitude. But he never reaches for his Psychic Checkbook, so to speak.

As a public service here at SingleTails, we offer some Guidelines for the Second Play Date.

First off, the initial playdate is all about 'let's taste and see.' The focus is the play. But that is absolutely positively not true of the second time the two of you get together. The second time is all about hanging out together. As in, "I have tickets to the Mahler Festival. If you're available, maybe you'd like to join me."

Y'see, most of us in Mondo BDSM are always on the lookout for play opportunities, and when one comes along, we're there in the dungeon, dusting off the shackles. But you only get one free ride. After that, the general rules of courtship apply. Take me out. Treat me well. Remind me that I'm more than a life support system for a flogger. Put the Quid in the Quid Pro Quo. Be sparkling, witty, and vivacious.

And here's the key factor: seemingly be looking for nothing in return, and don't make it about saying 'Thank You' for Scene Number One. Pretend that you're really and truly interested in this person. (Hard, I know. Cuz you are your principal obsession.) And after that, call from time to time to say hello. And now, you two will have something to talk about other than, "I still think that flogging you gave me was so great and I'd love to do it again sometime." Now, it will be more along the lines of, "Have you ever seen Educating Rita? You gotta rent it! There's this whole Mahler thing going on there! It's a rip!"

The first date is about Taste and See. The second date is about two good friends, getting together and having some fun together. Deepening their budding friendship in that glorious arena that is SM.

Or, y'know, it's not at all.

Okay. Those are the rules. You know what you have to do.

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