FAQ

So who is this Big guy anyway?

He lives in San Francisco. Originally he's from Florida, and he lived in DC for a number of years. He currently works as the director of a non-profit arts organization. He's older than I am. He has a shaved head, a great moustache, a furry body, he's a cigar smoker.

What's he like?

He is quiet, and speaks slowly, reflecting a careful choice of words. He prefers the desert to the mountains, occasionally enjoys line dancing, and music. He has well-thought out opinions, but seems open to listening to alternative points of view.

And he does it for you, huh?

Oh man. Does he ever. Does. He. Ever.

How did you meet?

On the internet! Believe it or not. If you can use that verb to describe online communication. We've been talking for about eight or nine years. Intermitently, not continuously. He's a Top, so when I've been deep into Top-mode, I don't think I particularly had my eye out for him. But he pretty much hangs out in the same chat rooms that I do. He once saw me in Ty's, a couple of years ago. But he was with someone and I was with someone and so we didn't meet then.

What's he into?

He's very much a Dad. And takes that role verrrry seriously. Sees it as a vocation, in the same way I see being a Top as a vocation. He does bondage, too, although as yet I haven't tasted that. Yet. My sense is that in terms of play, he's accommodating, rather than having a set agenda. As far as I know, he's not into feet or raunch. Which is good.

But he lives in San Francisco? How's that gonna work?

Whoa! You're making me think! And I promised I wouldn't do that. I'm not sure, to tell the truth. This much I know. Y'see, at this point in my life, it's not about How Much Sex Can We Have?. I'm more interested in connection, in intimacy, in developing a relationship, in communication, in vulnerability. Sex is a part of this, and sex with Big is sufficiently mind-blowing, but it's a part of the picture and not the whole picture.

So you'll be moving to San Francisco?

I'm not going anywhere for the time being. My father needs me. I want to become a master cabinet maker. But I may be lifting my travel ban on San Francisco at some point.

Is yours a Dad/boy relationship?

it is. Although I think of it as Sir/boy. Same thing really, although I realized I have something with a hang up with the word 'Dad.' Y'see, I've got one of those. There's already a man I call 'Dad.' And I have always had a fairly intense relationship with my father. I remember when I was in high school, I became involved with DeMolay. It's sort of masonic boy scouts. One of the idiosyncracies of DeMolay is thay you address adult men involved with the group using 'Dad' as a title. So for instance, you'd address your DeMolay brother Vin Diesel's father as 'Dad Diesel.' I never did that. My relationship with the man who fathered me doesn't require supplementation. But, I see myself as his boy, and I think of him as my Sir. Although that may change.

So your days as a singletail Top are over?

Not that I know of. Big likes that. That I have that aspect of me, and an aspect according to which I'm his boy. And other aspects as well. I have to admit that at this point, I don't feel myself to be looking for play. (heh heh heh... looking for prey.) But the idea of never whipping a man again is inimaginable to me. And, I've lately been feeling a certain tingling in my back, telling me that I might be due for a whipping myself. So no. I'm still the same man I was, only the collar around my neck is new.

Happy?

Oh yeah. I'm very happy. Years and years ago, at the LURE, I was standing there drinking my beer, and I saw come through the door two men. One was older, with a certain military bearing. He had his shirt off, and had a beautiful chest. The other was younger, probably in his thirties. A good looking guy. The older man had the younger man on a leash. The leash stayed on the whole night. Except when the younger man would ask permission and head to the bathroom. There was something so powerful about that. I was transfixed. Even before, years before, when I lived in Philadelphia, there was once coverage in the Philadelphia Gay News of a Dad/boy contest at the Bike Stop, and they showed the two winners, an older man and a younger man, shown in the photo with ear-to-ear grins. I know the intimacy and intensity of the relationship I have with my father. And how good that relationship can be, even when things are difficult between us. When I think about having a lover, I think about bickering over the grocery bill. Not so when I think about having a Sir. About being at the end of a leash. I've been waiting for this my whole life.

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