Sir

Man, he's a great guy. Such a great guy.

Here's something that just now occurs to me. There's something of Mr. Benson in Big. Yes. There sure is. Okay, so I've never actually read John Preston's series. But in a way, you don't have to. In the circles I've traveled in, you get it by osmosis.

But there definitely is a Mr. Benson thing going on there. He's successful, exacting, certain of who he is, and what he wants. He makes his own way in the world. And I get the sense that if there was something he wanted very much, he would find a way to make it his. Deciding on a goal and accomplishing that goal seems to be something that Big is verrry good at. As was Mr. Benson.

We're getting into some treacherous terrain here perhaps. Perhaps my fantasies are getting the better of me. As far as I know, Big is not plugged into an international syndicate of slave traders and Masters with tentacles everywhere. (Even if there were such a thing, Big strikes me as far too much of an independent operator.)

But there is a certainty, a sureness. With the collar padlocked around my neck, I am unquestionably and completely his. And I have faith in his clarity, foresight, and firm footing in reality.

And I am his boy, and not his slave. There is a give and take in our relationship that Mr. Benson wouldn't compass. My desires and wants are taken into consideration.

And yet... I believe that if Big decided that he wanted a slave rather than a boy, a slave kept naked and chained, a slave who had been broken to his will, then he is a man who would be capable of achieving that. Regardless. Just like Mr. Benson.

Big and I have yet to do a scene together. It was pretty staggering for me to read his thoughts on how he conducts himself in the dungeon. He seeks out within the man submitting to him that place--that frightening place. Big determines the outlines, and where it lies, and together, he and the man go to that place. It's not about getting his rocks off by re-enacting some mass-produced porn, or doing what needs to be done to put another notch in his handcuffs, or even sportsex (Hardcore!). No. Not that. Rather, it's touching on something Shamanistic. Transformative.

I look forward to submitting to Big in that way. My love for him and my fear of him will be combined, like two pigments, swirled and mixed to form some new color. Red and blue make purple. Blue and yellow make green. Yellow and red make orange. Some amazing alchemy will take place.

"No, Sir... please...
"Sir... I can't, Sir...
"Sir, please... no..."

"Yes."

"Yes, Sir."

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