Counting Down

Yikes! This time tomorrow night, I'll be tied in a chair and taking whatever abuse PunchPig opts to dish out.

Tonight I'm gonna try to give some shape to what I want to say about the experience of getting punched in the face.

Aw heck. Why not? I'll do it here.

SO, IF YOU'RE PLANNING ON ATTENDING, AND YOU DON'T WANT TO READ WHAT I'M GONNA BE SAYING, BEST SKIP THE REST OF THIS.

My experience as a bottom is not broad, but I think it's deep. I've been whipped, flogged, caged, and done verrrry painful endurance bondage. And been punched in the face. Getting punched in the face is like none of those other scenes.

The other scenes tend to be about endorphins. The key strategy for the bottom is processing the intense sensation of the scene. You breath deeply, you stay present and focused.

Not so with getting punched in the face.

Face punching is about adrenaline. Adrenaline is the neurochemical that governs the fight-or-flight response. It comes in when you're under attack. Higher brain functions shut down. And one of two things happen. You either get angry and aggressive or you get out of there. Fight or flight.

Anger tends to be the first response. Think about when you stub your toe. What's the immediate response? "Fuck!" Anger. That's the shot of adrenaline you get. It goes away pretty quickly when other sensory stimuli tell you that it's not an enemy, it's just the coffee table.

The last time PunchPig and I played... well, the other time, I didn't sustain the anger. I went right to pretty quickly into flight. Since I couldn't go anywhere, that meant a lot of begging and crying. Trying to get it to stop. Doing anything to get it to stop.

The best way I've found to stay in the place of anger is by yelling and screaming. Keeping it going. It builds and builds and builds.

Keep in mind, though, that it's six of one, a half dozen the other. Fight or flight. Just a matter of preference.

Here's the other key aspect of this scene: fear. No, not fear. Terror. Complete animal terror. Notice how when you flinch, what you're doing is protecting your head. And flinching is hard-wired. The most experienced boxers flinch when they get punched in the face. That's where your brain is, and that's what you want to protect, first and foremost. So it's not so much a punch to the face, as a blow to the head. And that's terrifying.

Anger. Fear. Terror.

Now that doesn't sound like a lot of fun, does it? What's the payoff?

The payoff is unbelievable. If you, like me, love roller coasters. Only, it's the ultimate rollercoaster ride. Because the thing that really scares you--the car you're in hurtling off the track and sending you sailing out into space--happens. But then, you walk away.

It's an experience at the very extremes. It's what you're really really afraid of, and you go right down the rabbit hole.

And it's also the transcendent part. Because throughout, you have this deep down secure knowledge that you'll be okay. You'll walk away from it all. And that's because you're turning yourself open, entrusting yourself, to the fundamental compassion of the man who is taking you on this journey. You feel yourself to be held and sustained, lovingly. You get to throw yourself off the cliff and fly, because there are strong arms that will catch you when you fall.



Okay.

Eloquent, I hope. But I'm still reeeeeally scared!

Say a prayer tomorrow night.

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